Ask Comic Strips - Page 34

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

413 Results for Ask

View 331 - 340 results for ask comic strips. Discover the best "Ask" comics from Dilbert.com.

Simplify The Slide

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Simplify The Slide - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags intelligence, insult, smart, dumb, powerpoint, guest artist, joel friday

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You need to simplify that slide. Dilbert: Did you understand it? Boss: Yes. Dilbert: Then why do you think smart people will be confused? Boss: I can't tell if that was an insult. Dilbert: Ask a smart person.

Ted Never Got The File

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Never Got The File - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags blame, communication, responsibility, technology, guest artist, brenna thummler

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: I never got the file you said you would send. Dilbert: I don't know what file type you want. Ted: Why didn't you ask? Dilbert: Why didn't you check your email and see that I did? Ted: Why didn't you text me to say you emailed me? Dilbert: Why don't you drive into a ravine?

Ted Is Not That Dumb

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Is Not That Dumb - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags joke, mean, bully, insult, death, idiot, idiocy, stupid, dumb, guest artist, brenna thummler, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You're not allowed to tell co-workers to drive into a ravine. Dilbert: It was a joke. Ted isn't so dumb that he would do it. Ask him if he's that dumb. Boss: Don't speak ill of the dead.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags election, voting, technology, fraud, cheating, vote, Politics

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We won a contract to write software for voting machines. Dilbert: Who do you want to be president? Boss: Why do you ask? Dilbert: Because I want you to be happy. Boss: You're implying that you plan to fudge the system. Dilbert: I'm not implying anything like that. Obviously, it will be easy to fudge the data, and we are far happier when you're in a good mood. But I would never commit a crime just because it is good for ma and totally undetectable. Boss: Okay, good. Dilbert: So who do you want to win and by how much?

Wally Builds An Mvp Version

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Builds An Mvp Version - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ai, technology, fake, deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I built a minimum viable product, or MVP, as I like to call it. Boss: That's a block of wood. Wally: I call it "Artificial Intelligence." Ask it any question. Boss: What is my middle name? Wally: It's being shy, just like people. Boss: It has emotions,too?

Block Of Wood Is In A Bad Mood

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Block Of Wood Is In A Bad Mood  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ai, artificial intelligence, scam, gullible, emotions, deception

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I heard you invented a device with human intelligence and human emotions. Can I ask it a question? Wally: It's in a bad mood. It's not talking. CEO: Wow! It's just like people! Wally: You'd better leave before you make it cry.

Dashboard For The Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dashboard For The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, ruse, trick, deception.

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: It's called a dashboard. It shows the current status of all our projects. With a tool like this, you never need to ask us for status updates. Wally: How'd the fake dashboard gambit work out? Dilbert: Great! He hasn't talked to me in weeks.

Wally And Agile Programming

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally And Agile Programming - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, work ethic, avoid, evasion, acrobatics

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'll ask Wally to write this software. I haven't seen him since he took that agile programming class.

Dogbert Discovers Dogbertium

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Discovers Dogbertium - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags science, discovery, trick, deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: My particle accelerator has discovered a new fundamental particle that I call "Dogbertium." It's properties are awesomeness and mystery. One of the mysteries is that it only exists when people don't ask too many questions.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags logic, no-win, deadline

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Are these user specifications complete? I ask because any later changes will cause me to miss the deadline. Man: What if I only need a tiny change later? Wally: I'm counting on it. That way I can blame you when I miss the deadline. Man: How do most people handle this situation? Wally: Well, the pessimists know they're doomed, so it's no surprise to them when it happens. Man: What do the optimists do? Wally: They become pessimists.