Ask Comic Strips - Page 34
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413 Results for Ask
View 331 - 340 results for ask comic strips. Discover the best "Ask" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday March 26,
2016
Simplify The Slide
Tags intelligence, insult, smart, dumb, powerpoint, guest artist, joel friday
Transcript
Boss: You need to simplify that slide. Dilbert: Did you understand it? Boss: Yes. Dilbert: Then why do you think smart people will be confused? Boss: I can't tell if that was an insult. Dilbert: Ask a smart person.
Tuesday April 05,
2016
Ted Never Got The File
Tags blame, communication, responsibility, technology, guest artist, brenna thummler
Transcript
Ted: I never got the file you said you would send. Dilbert: I don't know what file type you want. Ted: Why didn't you ask? Dilbert: Why didn't you check your email and see that I did? Ted: Why didn't you text me to say you emailed me? Dilbert: Why don't you drive into a ravine?
Thursday April 07,
2016
Ted Is Not That Dumb
Tags joke, mean, bully, insult, death, idiot, idiocy, stupid, dumb, guest artist, brenna thummler, medical
Transcript
Boss: You're not allowed to tell co-workers to drive into a ravine. Dilbert: It was a joke. Ted isn't so dumb that he would do it. Ask him if he's that dumb. Boss: Don't speak ill of the dead.
Sunday May 01,
2016
Tags election, voting, technology, fraud, cheating, vote, Politics
Transcript
Boss: We won a contract to write software for voting machines. Dilbert: Who do you want to be president? Boss: Why do you ask? Dilbert: Because I want you to be happy. Boss: You're implying that you plan to fudge the system. Dilbert: I'm not implying anything like that. Obviously, it will be easy to fudge the data, and we are far happier when you're in a good mood. But I would never commit a crime just because it is good for ma and totally undetectable. Boss: Okay, good. Dilbert: So who do you want to win and by how much?
Tuesday June 21,
2016
Wally Builds An Mvp Version
Tags ai, technology, fake, deception
Transcript
Wally: I built a minimum viable product, or MVP, as I like to call it. Boss: That's a block of wood. Wally: I call it "Artificial Intelligence." Ask it any question. Boss: What is my middle name? Wally: It's being shy, just like people. Boss: It has emotions,too?
Thursday June 23,
2016
Block Of Wood Is In A Bad Mood
Tags ai, artificial intelligence, scam, gullible, emotions, deception
Transcript
CEO: I heard you invented a device with human intelligence and human emotions. Can I ask it a question? Wally: It's in a bad mood. It's not talking. CEO: Wow! It's just like people! Wally: You'd better leave before you make it cry.
Thursday July 28,
2016
Dashboard For The Boss
Tags technology, ruse, trick, deception.
Transcript
Dilbert: It's called a dashboard. It shows the current status of all our projects. With a tool like this, you never need to ask us for status updates. Wally: How'd the fake dashboard gambit work out? Dilbert: Great! He hasn't talked to me in weeks.
Saturday July 30,
2016
Wally And Agile Programming
Tags laziness, work ethic, avoid, evasion, acrobatics
Transcript
Boss: I'll ask Wally to write this software. I haven't seen him since he took that agile programming class.
Thursday August 25,
2016
Dogbert Discovers Dogbertium
Sunday September 04,
2016
Transcript
Wally: Are these user specifications complete? I ask because any later changes will cause me to miss the deadline. Man: What if I only need a tiny change later? Wally: I'm counting on it. That way I can blame you when I miss the deadline. Man: How do most people handle this situation? Wally: Well, the pessimists know they're doomed, so it's no surprise to them when it happens. Man: What do the optimists do? Wally: They become pessimists.


