Avoid Work Comic Strips - Page 34

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Avoid Work

View 331 - 340 results for avoid work comic strips. Discover the best "Avoid Work" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consultant, meeting, obvious generalities, revenue for profit, run by artits, small businesses, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert lies on the couch reading. Dogbert says, "I've decided to become a consultant in the field of obvious generalities." Dogbert explains, "I'll work for small businesses that are run by artists. They'll think I'm brilliant, which I am." Dogbert sits at a conference table with a man and a woman. The man, who has a goatee, says, "Whoa! Are you saying we need REVENUE to make profit??" The woman says, "Ouch! I've got a headache on one side."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, umbrella, doaked, clothes microwave, dry off, tricked alice, boss naked, breakroom

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss tells Dilbert and Wally, "I forgot my umbrella. I'm soaked." His clothes are dripping wet. Dilbert says, "Why don't you toss your clothes in the microwave and dry them off?" The Boss asks, "Would that work?" Dilbert and Wally are silent. The Boss stuffs his clothes in the microwave. Dilbert says, "Sixty minutes ought to do it." Wally covers his eyes because the Boss is naked. They shut the door on the Boss. Dilbert says, "We'll guard the door to the break room." As they walk away, Wally says, "You know, ever since the downsizing began, I've felt much less company loyalty." Dilbert says, "Me too." Alice asks, "Why are you two so happy?" Wally says, "There are free goodies in the break room."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags clean cubicle award, matthew, traveler check, 10 dollars, downsized, shredded documents, motivational impact

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands at the front of the room and says, "I'm happy to award the 'clean cubicle award' to Matthew." The Boss continues, "It's a ten-dollar 'travelers check.' Where's Matthew?" Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "He was cruelly downsized last month." Alice says, "His cubicle was clean because he shredded his important documents out of spite." Wally says, "All of his furniture and equipment were scavenged by bitter employees who have to do his work now." The Boss says, "This is not having the motivational impact I had hoped for." The Boss says, "Okay . . . The 'travelers check' will go to whoever knows what number I'm thinking." The Boss sits at a table in a restaurant. He hands the check to the waitress and thinks, "They sure were sore losers."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags biggest prospect, brain overload, kenny sales weasel, tech specs, uses electricity, car

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Dilbert, you'll work with 'Kenny the sales-weasel' on our biggest prospect." Dilbert and Kenny get into a car. Kenny says, "Tell me all of our product's technical specs on the way. I like to be prepared." They ride in the car. Dilbert says, "Our product is beige. It uses electricity." Kenny says, "Whoa! Brain overload!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags attractive, body language, employee satisfaction, extent of feelings, fake happiness, impending reorganization, Lottery, marketing feild, new rules, not motivated, paycheck, sarcastic, survey, unprofessional, work

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "Asok the Intern explains the new rules of body language." Asok smiles and says, "Fake happiness." The caption says, "This means: I am not motivated by the size of my paycheck." Asok looks at his paycheck and sobs loudly. The caption says, "This means: I am slightly concerned about the impending reorganization." Asok shivers and looks frightened. The caption says, "This means: I have decided to work in the marketing field." Asok sticks out his tongue and turns his head in a "counter-clockwise spin." The caption says, "This means: I am being sarcastic." Asok says, "Oh, THERE'S a good plan." The caption says, "Note lips." The caption says, "This means: The recent employee satisfaction survey has not captured the extent of my feelings." Asok hangs in a noose. The caption says, "This means: I think you are attractive but it would be very unprofessional to show it." Asok looks at a woman and his eyes pop out of his head. The caption says, "This means: My lottery investment paid off." Asok gives the Boss a wedgie.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags save money, copier ink, add water, copies light, compensate, darken, implement, Dilbert, creative thinker, implantation task, bigger raise, creative way

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally tells the Boss, "I have a great idea to save money." Wally enter the Boss's office and continues, "We can make the photocopier ink last longer by adding water to it." The Boss asks, "Wouldn't that make the copies too light?" Wally replies, "Ordinarily, yes. But we can compensate by setting the copier to 'darken.'" Wally says, "You'll need someone to implement this idea . . . Let's see." Wally says, "Hey, how about Dilbert? He isn't doing much work lately." Wally continues, "I'd do it myself but there's no reason to waste a creative thinker on an implementation task." Dilbert asks Wally, "Are you still mad that I got a bigger raise than you did?" Wally replies, "No, I found a creative way to deal with it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags be specific, bounus, congratulations, expect bonus, good work, act randomly

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Alice, here's a bonus for your good work." Alice asks, "On what?" The Boss says, "I can't be specific, because then you might do it again and expect another bonus." Alice says, "Congratulations; you've motivated me to act randomly." The Boss points and says, "I'm going over here and I don't know why."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, bonus, capitalism, flawed premise, less work, wally bonus, worked less, implications staggering, frightening bonus

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit at a table. Alice says, "I did less work than usual this quarter and I got a bonus." Alice says, "The implications are staggering. The entire system of capitalism has a flawed premise." Alice says, "There's only ONE thing that could make this bonus more frightening." Wally says, "I got one, too."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags good idea, nurture passion, rebellious employees, sarcastic employees, startegies, wearing culottes

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "From now on, we'll nurture the passion of our rebellious employees and form strategies around them." Wally says, "We don't have any rebellious employees. The last one got fired for wearing culottes on casual day." The Boss says, "It was such a good idea in my head." Wally says, "We still have some sarcastic employees. Can you work with that?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ten percent raise, fifteen percent more, twenty percent, no budget, raises, give big raises, reward for leaving work, price sheet

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands across from the Boss's desk. He says, "I want a ten-percent raise." The Boss replies, "There's no budget for raises." Dilbert holds up a letter and says, "I have an offer from another company that will pay fifteen percent more." The Boss says, "I'll give you twenty percent if you stay." Dilbert says, "I thought you said there's no budget for raises." The Boss replies, "Well . . . It's supposed to be a secret but . . ." The Boss says, "Our policy is to give big raises to people who spend their time interviewing for other jobs." Dilbert tells Alice and Wally, "Good news! The secret company policy is to reward disloyalty!" They cheer and shout, "Yes! Yippee!" Wally asks, "What's the reward for leaving work early?" Dilbert replies, "He wouldn't show me the price sheet."