dilbert: ever since the parody inversion, no one can tell the difference between jokes and reality
boss: i need you to get buy-in on this proposal from all thirteen department heads by tomorrow
wally: was that real or parody?
dilbert: i think they're the same now
dogbert: welcome to dogcart's sensitivity training
dogbert passing out papers: today you will learn how to never offend anyone ever again
class including dilbert: are you going to kill us?
dogbert: no, no, no. after an hour of this class, you'll want to do it yourself.
dilbert giving a presentation: i invented a device that can scan your body and brain at molecular level. now you can time travel by killing yourself and leaving instructions to 3d-print you back to life in the future when the technology is able.
response: where will you find anyone dumb enough to test it?
dilbert: have you ever attended a meeting at this company?
boss: dilbert, you'll be reporting to the vp of sales for the new project. you will also be reporting to me as usual.
dilbert: congratulations on making me hate my job more than ever.
boss: and you said it couldn't be done.
alice: have you ever considered trying polyamory? instead of not having one girl-friend, you could not have two.
dilbert: that would feel like progress.
alice: you're welcome.
boss: this is the worst idea i have ever seen.
dilbert: didn't you once tell me you spent all of your savings on a fake psychic? and the only prediction she got right was that you would lose all of your money?
boss: she also predicted i would be unhappy.
boss: i hired an elbonian consultant because we couldn't afford anyone local.
dilbert: have you ever consulted in this country?
elbonian consultant: no, but people are people, so i assume it isn't that different from elbonia.
boss: that's enough chitchat. tell us what we should do about the problems in our distribution system.
elbonian system: i recommend executing one of your distributors as a warning to the others.
boss: i'm going to need a second opinion.
elbonian consultant: my second opinion is that your barber must hate your guts.
dilbert thinking: that meeting ran long, so now i have ten minutes before the next one. i'm suppose to bring a complete technical report, and i haven't even started it. i hate this stupid job!
dilbert still thinking but showing signs of distress: i hate my boss! i hate my stupid co-workers!
dilbert yelling: i don't care about anything anymore!
dilbert thinking and typing on laptop: i'll just angrily slap together a bunch of nonsense and call it good. grrrrrr!!!
in conference room.
boss: this is your bet report ever.
dilbert yelling: what?
dilbert at home with dogbert:
today i learned a dangerous lesson about reality.
dilbert: why do you keep explaining to me how science works when you know i already know?
sciencesplainer: did you know anecdotal evidence can be misleading?
dilbert yelling: yes!!! i knew that!!!
sciencesplainer: have you ever heard of the placebo effect?
dilbert: GAAAA!!!
asok: have you ever tried meditating?
wally: sounds like a lot of work.
asok: it is the opposite of work. all you have to do is sit in one place and think of nothing in particular.
wally: can i drink coffee at the same time.
asok: that is not recommended.
wally: in other words, meditating is what i already do, but without the advantage of coffee?
asok: perhaps you have already achieved enlightenment.
wally: feels that way to me.
