Still Healthy Comic Strips - Page 34
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Boss: How can you be sure there are no unforeseen risks with this plan? Dilbert: It is not possible to know if one has considered every risk. Therefore, we can never be sure. Boss: So...I can still blame you for any problems that pop up? Dilbert: Yes, that part of the process is still intact.
Boss: All of you should be more like Asok. He is in the office before I arrive and still here when I go home. Asok: That is because housing costs are so high that I live here in the office and sleep in a bathroom stall. Boss: That still leaves a lot of stalls for the rest of you.
Carol: How's it working out with the Elbonian baby you adopted? Wally: Great! Now I have lots of excuses for missing work, and I still look like a saint. Carol: What kind of daycare are you using? Wally: I just sprinkle cheerios on the floor and lock the door.
boss: tell me what you are looking for in an employer interviewee in suit: i want a company that appreciates a healthy work-life balance. boss: you have a bit of a victim vibe interviewee: i was hoping that didn't show
dilbert: maybe you should stay home when you are sick. alice sneezing: honk! i will, but first i need to infect the rest of you so i'm not the only one missing deadlines. can you hold this for me? (passes off tissue to dilbert)
dilbert: lately i've been feeling loyal to my company. and that makes me work extra hard for no extra money. do you have a pill to keep me from working so hard? doctor: they all do that if you take enough of them.
boss: we bought a start-up that makes autonomous drones armed with machine guns. dilbert: for use by the military? boss: good idea. i hadn't thought of that. it's too dangerous for private use. dilbert: you sound just like my neighbor when he still had a gazebo.
carol: a reporter for buzz flawed wants to interview you. boss: i don't see any downside to that! reporter: my first question is, do you still cheat all of your suppliers? boss: no! of course not. reporter: so. you're admitting you cheated your suppliers in the past? boss: get out of my office, you evil monster! reporter: okay, i got what i needed. one week later: voice from boss's smartphone: "the pudgy miscreant could not hide his glee when bragging about cheating his suppliers."
boss: i'd like to offer you a job, but ten years ago you said something offensive on social media. interviewee: i'm not the same person i was ten years ago. you are judging me by the actions of someone who literally no longer exists. boss: i get your point, but if i go back to the old way of judging people by their looks, we still end up in the same place.
dogbert: i discovered a way to make time stand still. dilbert: that isn't possible. dogbert: i'll prove it. i just need to find something on my phone and show it to you. looking... looking... here it is! wait... no, that isn't it. looking... looking... dilbert distressed: gaaa! i'm so bored watching you look through your phone!!! time is standing still! you win...and i hate you. dogbert: totally worth it.