Avoid Work Comic Strips - Page 34

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View 331 - 340 results for avoid work comic strips. Discover the best "Avoid Work" comics from Dilbert.com.

Tina Isn't An Engineer

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Tina Isn't An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineer, evaluation, value, catch-22, fired, termination, engineering

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Boss: The company makes me rank all of my employees. I put you last because you're not an engineer. I have to fire whoever is ranked lowest, and I can't afford to lose any engineers. Tina; What if I work harder, and do a great job? Boss: Then I'd fire you for not being a team player.

Ranked By Performance

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Ranked By Performance - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rank, success, failure, laziness, reward, work ethic, trying, effort

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Boss: I ranked all of you based on your performance. Wally came out on top because he didn't make any mistakes. Dilbert: He also didn't do any work. Wally: Why does everyone hate winners?

Trust Your First Instinct

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Trust Your First Instinct - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bribe, bribery, laziness, work ethic

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Boss: People are telling me you are accepting bribes to help co-workers on projects. Wally: You think I'm helping my co-workers? Boss: Good point. That part didn't sound right. Wally: Trust your first instinct.

Wally Accepts Bribes

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Wally Accepts Bribes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bribe, bribery, money, laziness, work ethic

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Wally: I started accepting bribes from co-workers to incent me to do my job. Dilbert: If it didn't work for your employer, why do they think it will work for them? Wally: Something about optimism. Dilbert: They didn't say why? Wally: All I know is that no one paid me to listen to them.

Bribing Wally

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Bribing Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bribe, morals, laziness, work ethic

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Wally: I don't have time to help. Coworker: What if I bribe you to do your job? I am literally offering to give you my personal money to do the job your employer pays you to do. Wally: Are you willing to turn a blind eye to my total lack of effort, or should I find a better briber?

Only Work If You'd Rather Do Something Else

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Only Work If You'd Rather Do Something Else - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fulfillment, happiness, satisfaction, work ethic, motivation, psychology

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Boss: Remember, it's only work if you'd rather be doing something else! Tina: I would rather do anything else. Boss: Oh. In that case, you're trapped in a nightmare that never ends. Tina: I have a lot riding on the afterlife.

Permission To Work Smarter

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Permission To Work Smarter - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sayings, motivation, Advice, laziness, work ethic

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Wally: Do I have your permission to work smarter and not harder? Boss: Um... sure. That sounds like a good thing to do. But how would I know you were working? Wally: I don't even know if I'm working right now.

Get Multiple Approvals

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Get Multiple Approvals - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, problems, work, frustration

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Boss: You need to get your capital budget approved by all of the department heads. We're in the middle of a reorg, so get approval from both the outgoing and the incoming managers. Dilbert: Someday I hope to solve a problem that is not caused by leadership. Boss: You'll never get that far.

The Self Serving Consultant

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The Self Serving Consultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consultant, cruelty, laziness, work ethic, business

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The Self-Serving Consultant. Dogbert: I recommend firing this guy so you have more money for me. I also recommend withholding his final check until he makes all of my PowerPoint slides for me. Man: This is messed up. Dogbert: Add some recommendations so I sound smart.

Wally Self Identifies As A Woman

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Wally Self Identifies As A Woman - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags trans, transgender, gimmick

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Catbert: I heard that you self-identify as a woman. Wally: No, I don't. Catbert: Well, I need you to do that so the company can be supportive and win some awards for being a great place to work. Dilbert: Because why? Wally: I got my own bathroom.