Buy Products Comic Strips - Page 34

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382 Results for Buy Products

View 331 - 340 results for buy products comic strips. Discover the best "Buy Products" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #static, #copyright, #fifty billion, #film library, #blow deal, #copyrighted everything

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Dilbert: You can't copyright the static on blank TV channels! Dogbert: "I already did." Dilbert: "You can't let my company pay fifty billion dollars to buy your so-called film library." Dogbert: "I already am." Dilbert: "I may have to blow the whistle on this deal." DOgbert: "It'll have to be a nose whistle - I copyrighted everything else."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #press release, #dsn, #bid 50 million, #hollywood studio, #providing static, #channels, #Dogbert, #static netowrk

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"Here's the press release about our bid to buy 'DSN' for fifty billion dollars." "DSN is the hollywood studio that provides static to all the channels that woudl otherwise be blank." "The 'Dogbert Static Network'?!!" "Talk to me, babe."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #committed to buy, #cost justify, #ethical, #execuitve, #translate, #vendor, #weasel, #words

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Weasel: tell me about your project and I'll translate it into weasel words for the business case. Dilbert: well, and executive had lunch with a vendor and committed to buy some stuff that doesn't work. Our job is to cost - justify the decision. Wesel: I quit Dilbert: Don't get all ethical on us.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #commercial prodcuts, #secret, #evoultion, #zimbu the monkey

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Wally: Zimbu the monkey designed three commercial products this week! we'd better find out his secret. wally: He's using his tail! He has a natural advantage! Wally: I feel the jaws of evolution on my throat. Dilbert: good gravy! Did you see him cut and paste?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #45 inch screen, #communications staellite, #cure disease, #fish appear on screen, #great products, #marketing, #new product, #room freshener, #telepathic user, #whiten teeth, #time travel, #business

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How Great Products are designed The Boss: Go talk to marketing. Dilbert: Groan Dilbert: Dave, tell me what marketing wants the new product to do. Dave: It has to have a 45 inch screen and still fit in a purse or a wallet. Dave: It needs to act as a communications satellite as well as a room fresher. Dilbert: uh... Dave: it must cure deadly diseases and whoyten your teeth while you sleep! HAHA! and it has to be capable of time travel!! and have a telepathic user interface! Slap! Dilbert: I could write a program that makes fish appear on the computer screen, DAVE: yeah a lot of people want that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #delight customers, #fire everybody, #price of products, #slogan, #stop meetings, #we waste your money

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The Boss: "We must constantly ask ourselves what we can do to delight our customers." Alice: "We could stop having these meetings, fire everybody in the room and lower the prices of our products." The Boss: "I was thinking more alone the lines of a slogan." Wally: "How about, 'we waste your money'?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss brain, #profitable, #cut costs, #selling products

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"The boss's brain." "Hummm." "Theoretically, if I cut costs enough we'll be profitable without selling any products." "How do they get the ink in these things?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #shopping

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Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert says, "Several shopping hours left, and you just sit there." Dogbert continues, "Did you really buy enough gifts for Dogbert? You worry. Guilt and doubt begin to gnaw at your gut . . . The pain . . . The pain . . ." Dilbert says as he puts on his coat, "I thought it was the thought that counts." Dogbert says, "Don't believe the hype."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #christmas, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #office, #computer, #shopping

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Dilbert sits at his desk and Dogbert sits on the edge of the desk. Dogbert says, "How can this be the season of good cheer when I don't even have my gifts yet?" Dogbert continues, "I mean, what if you get me something stupid? I'll hate you forever and have to run away." Dilbert says, "Your psychology won't work this year. I will not buy more gifts." Dogbert says, "You'll probably find me dead in some snow bank."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #troll, #cave, #bureaucracy, #computer, #business

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Dilbert enters a cave. A door above the sign says "Bureaucracy." Dilbert tells a troll sitting at a desk, "I need to buy an upgrade for my computer." The troll growls. The troll replies, "First, you must write a business case and get five signatures." Another troll jumps onto Dilbert's back. The troll sitting at the desk continues, "Get bids from nine vendors." Another troll approaches Dilbert. The troll continues, "All vendors must be approved by a vote of the vendor approval committee." The troll lists, ". . . Purchase order . . . Budget transfer . . . Legal review . . . Accounting classification . . . Inventory . . ." Several trolls cling to Dilbert's body. The troll explains, "These steps are necessary to prevent employees from doing something uneconomical." Dilbert arrives at home with several trolls clinging to his body. Dogbert asks, ". . . So you suggested a process 'quality audit'?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah, that's the one clinging to my buttocks."