Light Show Comic Strips - Page 34

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374 Results for Light Show

View 331 - 340 results for light show comic strips. Discover the best "Light Show" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags left-handed, elbonians, take, change, light, bulb, funnier

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One Elbonian asks another, "How many left-handed Elbonians does it take to change a light bulb?" The Elbonian says, "None! Left-handed Elbonians don't have any light bulbs!" The other Elbonian asks, "What's a light bulb?" The Elbonian replies, "I guess it would be funnier if we knew that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, man, employee, information, binder, saliva, page-turning, hand, pages, stuck

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Dilbert sits at a table with a bearded man. The man says, "Let me show you where the information is in your binder." The man licks his fingers and says, "First, I'll need a good load of saliva on my page-turning hand." Dilbert says, "Maybe you can show me in YOUR binder." The man replies, "Can't . . . Somehow my pages got all stuck together."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags parent, license, parents, old, system, parts, brain, garbanzo, developed, written, test, weed, major, bozos, baby, cries, boss, poor, grades, tutor, discipline

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A man and woman see a sign on a building that says "Parent licenses." The man says, "We'd better check it out." Dogbert sits at a desk. The man asks, "Why do we need a license to become parents?" Dogbert replies, "Something had to be done." Dogbert continues, "Under the old system, all you needed to be a parent was a few body parts and a brain the size of a garbanzo bean." Dogbert reaches into the desk drawer and continues, "So I developed this written test to weed out the major bozos." The woman reads, "If a baby cries, you should: A. Feed it. B. Discipline it. C. Call it 'stupid.'" The man says, "You have to show it who's the boss." The woman reads, "If a child gets poor grades you should: A. Tutor him. B. Discipline him. C. Call him 'stupid.'" The man asks, "What does 'tutor' mean?" The woman reads, "An acceptable nickname for a child is: A. Junior B. Ugly C. Stupid." The man says, "Depends if it's a boy." The man asks Dogbert, "Well? Can we be parents?" Dogbert replies, "No. And you'll have to leave some body parts at the front desk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, show, interview, book, author, unmarried, Men, scum, theory, jailed, crime, beat, system, married

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A television talk show host says into the microphone, "My guest for today's show is Dogbert, author of the one-page book, 'Unmarried Men are Scum.'" The host says to Dogbert, "Your theory is that all unmarried men should be jailed for life, thus ending most crime." Dogbert replies, "Exactly." The host asks, "What if they try to beat the system by getting married?" Dogbert replies, "Serves 'em right."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, ratbert, chips, hear, latest, brain, research, proven, stimulation, conscious, absurd, rationalizations, random, interaction, arguably, control

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Ratbert sits on the hassock eating potato chips. Dogbert says, "Hi, Ratbert, may I have some chips?" Ratbert answers, "No, sorry. There are only enough for one." Dogbert asks, "Did you hear about the latest brain research?" Dogbert says, "Science has proven that the part of the brain responsible for conscious thought doesn't show any stimulation until AFTER you act." Dogbert continues, "That means you never make conscious decisions; all you do is rationalize what you've done after the fact." Dogbert continues, "Your life is nothing but a series of absurd rationalizations for the random interaction of chemicals in your brain." Ratbert starts blinking. Ratbert falls over, drops the bag of chips and screams, "Aaagh!!! My life is absurd!!" Dogbert sits on the hassock eating the chips. He says, "That was mean, but aruguably I couldn't control myself."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, light, travels, sound, shout, speak, lips, appear, sync-up, words, knowledge, ridiculous, thing, heard

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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters and says, "I just heard that light travels faster than sound." The Boss continues, "I'm wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words." Dilbert thinks, "A little knowledge can be a ridiculous thing." The Boss thinks, "He probably hasn't heard me yet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, common sense, school, todd, scissors, russell, dont, run, aaagh, left handed, teacher, hand

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Dogbert hands a man a pair of scissors and says, "Todd, show the class how you hand these scissors to Russell." Dogbert yells, "Don't run! Don't run!" Russell screams. Todd looks down at Russell, who is lying on the floor, and says, "Sorry, Russell. It's the teacher's fault; he didn't even ask if I need left-handed scissors."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, common sense, school, water, boot, heel, betty, liquid, hair, partial, credit

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Dogbert asks, "Who can show me how to get the water out of this boot?" Dogbert hands the boot to a woman and says, "If you have trouble, the directions are written on the heel." As the woman puts her head into the boot, Dogbert says, "I'm sorry, Betty. I can only give you partial credit for trying to absorb the liquid with your hair."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, healing, dollars, psychic, power, prevent, millions, pimples, neighbor

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On his television program, Dogbert stands in front of a curtain and holds a microphone. Dogbert says, "Welcome to my show, 'Healing for Dollars.'" Dogbert continues, "Today I will use my psychic healing power to prevent millions of people from getting pimples on their tongues." A man and a woman sit on a couch sticking their tongues out. As they watch their tongues, the woman says, "Ith working! Get the theckbook!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, Dilbert, television, show, healing, dollars, send, money, trick, hair

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Dilbert asks Dogbert, "What did you do to your hair?" Dogbert's hair is styled in a pompadour. Dogbert replies, "It's for my new television show, 'Healing for Dollars.' People send more money if you have this kind of hair." A man and a woman sit on a couch watching Dogbert's tv show. The woman says, "It might be a trick." The man replies, "That's what I thought until I saw his hair." Dogbert says, "Checks or money order."