New Product Comic Strips - Page 34
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1000 Results for New Product
View 331 - 340 results for new product comic strips. Discover the best "New Product" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday May 15,
2013
Tags how-to, best selliners, leadership, sociopathic tendencies, personality disorders, read books, coffee, metting, office
Transcript
Dilbert: As you requested, I researched all of the best-selling books on the topic of leadership. Apparently, leadership is the product of sociopathic tendencies plus luck. All other personality traits are inactive ingredients. Wally: Did you actually read all of those books? Dilbert: I only needed to know they were all different.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Friday May 10,
2013
Tags banning telecommuting, cruelty, evil corporations, executives, maternity leave, new policy, pay package
Transcript
Boss: Employees are in a furor over our new policy and banning telecommuting. CEO: Really? You mean we found a way to make them stop obsessing over my pay package? Try canceling all maternity leave and see if it makes them stop talking about telecommuting.
Monday April 15,
2013
Tags ordnance testing, tremble in fear, new missile, enemies tremble, corncobs, elbonia
Transcript
Elbonian 1: Comrades of North Elbonia, our new missile will make our enemies tremble in fear! Elbonian 2: Really? It looks like you tied a bunch of corncobs to a tree stump and put a small pumpkin on top. Elbonian 1: This isn't the missile, and you have insulted my girlfriend.
Sunday April 07,
2013
Tags accusations, anxiety, continuous barrage, firewall, inevitable villager, pessimism, villagers with torches
Transcript
Boss: Dilbert, I want you to install the new firewall. Dilbert: Noooo!!!! Why me? Why me? The firewall guy gets blamed for every problem. People will say "Everything worked until you changed the firewall." There will be no rest for me. I will have to defend myself against a continuous barrage of accusations. It's always the firewall! Everyone blames the stinkin' firewall! I surrender to the inevitable! Villagers, grab your pitchforks and torches! Boss: How did he get that way? Wally: I blame the firewall.
Tuesday April 02,
2013
Tags cannibals, victims, staving competition, cannibalizing
Transcript
Dilbert: Our new product is cannibalizing our old product. Either we have a brilliant strategy for staving off competition, or our CEO is the victim of a bully. Bully: Ha ha! Why don't you stop cannibalizing yourself?
Sunday March 03,
2013
Tags hunter gather roots, office equipment, ouge, power cords, rummages through trah, trash into gold, upgarde
Transcript
Coworker: Do you mind if I rummage through the trash in the technology lab? Dilbert: Um, okay. Coworker: I'm getting back to my hunter-gatherer roots. Score! These old power cords sell on Ebay for up to $3 apiece. Ha ha! I'm a genius who turns trash into gold! How's that compare to whatever you're doing here. Dilbert: Well, I'm removing valuable features from our product so we can.. gouge our customers with the... upgrade. Coworker: Wow. Your life is a total waste. Dilbert: Not if I sell the power cord.
Monday February 25,
2013
Tags complaining, ignorance (knowledge), product features, hodge podge, complexity, teamwork
Transcript
Dilbert: I added all of the product features that each of you demanded. Now our product is a worthless hodgepodge of complexity. I appreciate your input. I couldn't have failed without you. Boss: Teamwork!
Sunday February 24,
2013
Tags complaining, computer programmers, code mocking, engineering tradition, software project, new engineer, mock previous engineer, engineering
Transcript
Dilbert: Are you coming to the code mocking? Asok: The what? Dilbert: Code mocking is an engineering tradition. It happens whenever a software project is handed to a new engineer. The new engineer is required to mock the previous engineer's work in a public way. We spectators get to vote on whether the old code is killed or spared. Coworker: Ha ha! His code is hilariously inefficient! Ouch. Chest pain. Dilbert: Kill it! Kill it! Kill it! Coworker: Gaaa!! The code is offending my engineering sensibilities! It's killing me! Dilbert: I forgot to mention that sometimes the code wins.
Tuesday February 19,
2013
Tags ignorance (knowledge), joking, new software, interrupt you, carpal tunnel, replace humans
Transcript
Boss: The new software will interrupt you every five minutes so you don't get carpal tunnel. Dilbert: Aren't you worried the software will replace you? hee-hee! Boss: I don't get that. Dilbert: That's why it's funny.
Sunday February 10,
2013
Tags dog, facebook, facebook page, internet & world wide web, linkedin, stocks, twitter, websites, work ethic, working from home, distractions, animals
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm working at home today. It will be as if we're co-workers. Dogbert: Ugh. This madness must stop! You should check your Facebook page to see what's new. You should check Twitter. Dilbert: I'm almost finished with Facebook. Dogbert: Did you get my LinkedIn request? Dilbert: I'll check. Dogbert: I send you some links to funny websites. Dilbert: Cool! I just spent ten hours at my computer and I can't remember why I was sitting there in the first place. Dogbert: You were going to check your stocks. Dilbert: Okay. That sounds right. Two Hours Later. Two Hours Later. Two Hours Later.

