2008 Comic Strips - Page 34
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Character
Tuesday February 05,
2008
Tags identify systems, inefficient, new standards, passive aggressive, freelancer
Transcript
Alice: That thing is called a "boss." His job is to identify systems that are inefficient and make them our new standards. The Boss: I do way more than that. Alice: Don't look directly at it."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Monday February 04,
2008
Tags travel expenses, meal costs, liar or worse, round numbers, finance troll, papers, office, computer, desk, technology
Transcript
Finance troll: Your travel expenses are rejected because all of your meal costs are round numbers. Either you are a liar or worse. Dilbert: I decide what to order based on what totals to a round number after a 15% tip. Finance: That's worse.
Sunday February 03,
2008
Tags depressed, dilbert and mother, disengaged with son, engage, incompetence, life is a joke, monkeys, talk, work, no punchline, lifeguards
Transcript
Dilmom: How is work Dilbert? Dilbert: Well, mom...I'm like a fly stuck in a thick tar of despair. Incompetence hangs in the air like the cold stench of death. I'm drowning, and monkeys dressed as lifeguards are throwing me anvils. My job has convinced me that life is a stale joke with no punch line. I long for the comfort of the grave. Dilmom: Next time just say 'it's fine. Dilbert: I enjoy our talks. Dilmom: It's fine.
Saturday February 02,
2008
Tags meeting, boss, raise, political capital, business
Transcript
The Boss: If I try to give you the raise you deserve, the people above me will just reduce it. Alice: Maybe you could use some of your political capital to argue my case. The Boss: Maybe not.
Friday February 01,
2008
Tags cafe, change subject, date, dinner date, freinds, hobbies, internet, obscure articles, technology
Transcript
woman: do you have any hobbies?" Dilbert: I like to read obscure articles on the internet and image having friends who are interested in the same things. Woman: But you do have friends, right? Dilbert: Is it too late to change the subject?"
Thursday January 31,
2008
Tags dog, financial planner, troglodyte, Advice, soften up, meeting, insult, yell, scream, put down, animals, business
Transcript
Dogbert the financial planner Dogbert: Investing is far too complicated for your tiny brain. You are a financial troglodytle!!!" Man: Do I get some advice now? Dogbert: No, our first meeting is just to soften you up.
Wednesday January 30,
2008
Tags financial planner, health care, squalor, diversified portfolio, bacon, secrets, planning, dog advice
Transcript
Dogbert the financial planner Dogbert: With advances in health care, you could live to be 200. If you have a good financial plan, only the last 120 years will be spent in squalor. I recommend a diversified portfolio. And bacon."
Tuesday January 29,
2008
Tags intern, ideas, reject, listen, putrid ideas, warnings, time management, pretend to care
Transcript
Asok: I'll tell you my idea if you promise not to reject it before thinking about it. Dilbert: I already rejected it because only putrid ideas come with warnings. Dilbert: My time management is getting better. Dogbert:I can't pretend to care."
Monday January 28,
2008
Tags decison, needs of decsion, hour, badger, spiteful boss
Transcript
Alice: I need a decision, but it involves more than one variable and I know you can't handle that. I'll give you an hour to dither before I badger you into making the correct decision. The Boss: I'm going to dither for two hours just to show her who is in charge."
Sunday January 27,
2008
Tags agreement, bad news, euphoric feeling, harsh landing, illusion of progress, lasts a minute, momentary sweetness, reacts, spoiler, planning meeting
Transcript
Alice: Okay, we have a good plan forward. This meeting is adjourned. Oooh!!!" "AaaaH!!!" Asok: What is that?"AAAH!! Dilbert: She's tasting the sweet nectar of the illusion in progress. It's that euphoric feeling you get between the time you make a plan and the time some moron thwarts it. AAAH!!! It can last anywhere from less than a minute to as much as a minute. Wally: Ted won't meet with us because someone told him that you told someone else he was an obstacle. Alice: GRRRRR!!! Dilbert: The landing is harsh."

