Coolest Guy Comic Strips - Page 34
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375 Results for Coolest Guy
View 331 - 340 results for coolest guy comic strips. Discover the best "Coolest Guy" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday June 19,
2014
Tags #lying, #non disclosure agreement, #disbelief, #wrong person, #mighty judgy, #so many secrets
Transcript
Man: I need you to sign a non-disclosure agreement before we start. Wally: We don't need that because no one believes a word I say anyway. Man: Maybe I'm meeting with the wrong person. Wally: You're mighty judgy for a guy with so many secrets.
Sunday July 27,
2014
Tags #work load, #complaints, #inexperinced, #exact opposite, #doesn't know much, #hired useless man, #bad attendence, #not perfect, #ask questions
Transcript
Boss: You complained about your work load, SO I hired an inexperienced guy to help. Dilbert: This is exactly the opposite of what I wanted. Boss: He doesn't know much, But he makes up for it by asking lots of questions. Dilbert: So He'll be bugging me every minute? Boss: Not every minute. He takes a lot of sick days. Dilbert: So....you hired a guy who is useless, But its okay because he also has bad attendance? Boss: Its not a perfect world. Is this a good time to ask some questions?
Tuesday August 12,
2014
Tags #complaining, #engineers, #project inherited, #weak code, #rewrite, #great job, #hired idiot
Transcript
Dilbert: The project I inherited has weak code. I need to rewrite it from scratch. Boss: Will there ever be an engineer who says, "That last guy did a great job. Let's keep all of it?" Dilbert: I'm hoping the idiot you hire to replace me says that.
Friday August 22,
2014
Tags #employee fringe benefits, #google, #free bus service, #telecommuniting
Transcript
Boss: I hired a guy who worked at Google because he said he was driven. Dilbert: Because they have free bus service? Has he shown up for work yet? Boss: I thought he was telecommuting.
Friday October 31,
2014
Tags #annoy, #annoyance, #corpse, #escalade, #experience, #inexperience, #murder, #premeditated murder, #prototype, #scientific, #strangle, #boss
Transcript
Inexperienced Guy. Coworker: Can you answer some questions about our product prototype? Alice: No, but I would be happy to strangle you with your own lanyard and put your corpse in my boss' Escalade to frame him for the crime. Coworker: That scenario is alarmingly specific. Alice: For this sort of thing, premeditated is the way to go.
Friday December 05,
2014
Bob Gets A Smartwatch
Tags #carbon dating, #dinosaurs, #pun, #puns, #smartwatch, #technology, #anthrpocene epoch
Transcript
Dinosaur: Ha ha! I am now the coolest member of the household because I have a smartwatch. Hello, watch. What time is is? Watch: This is the anthropocene epoch. Dinosaur: Wow, that carbon dates me.
Wednesday January 07,
2015
Tube Clothing Or Rug
Tags #clothes, #clothing, #insult, #nerd, #nerds, #style, #tube clothes, #invented style, #reduce decisions, #carpet, #wrapped
Transcript
Dilbert: Tube clothes! I invented that style! Did it reduce the number of decisions you need to make every day? Man: I'm just a guy wrapped in a carpet. Dilbert: Oh, I thought you were like me. Man: I don't have to take these insults.
Friday January 09,
2015
Love Me For My Mind
Tags #dating, #love, #priorities, #relationships, #vanilla scented lotion, #mind
Transcript
Woman: I want a guy who loves me for me, and not for the way I look... or the things I do. Dilbert: That doesn't leave me much to work with. Can I love you for your money and your vanilla-scented body lotion? Woman: You could love me for my mind. Dilbert: That might have worked two minutes ago.
Friday January 23,
2015
13 Percent Employees Engaged
Tags #employee, #employees, #engagement, #motivation, #global survey, #engaged at work, #business
Transcript
Boss: A global survey says only 13% of employees feel engaged at work. Dilbert: If you're wondering which one of your employees is engaged, it's this guy. Boss: We need ten more just like him. Dilbert: I think I just figured out what's wrong with the rest of us.
Tuesday February 10,
2015
Elon Musk Fears Ai
Tags #artificial intelligence, #etiquette & ethics, #misanthropy, #technology, #elon musk, #artificial intelligemce, #humankind
Transcript
Asok: Elon Musk is worried that artificial intelligence will destroy mankind. Coworker: Why would you pay attention to him? What's he ever done? Asok: Stop making root for A.I. Coworker: And what planet is this "Elon" guy from, anyway?