Human Contact Comic Strips - Page 34

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354 Results for Human Contact

View 331 - 340 results for human contact comic strips. Discover the best "Human Contact" comics from Dilbert.com.

Robot Is Not A Droid

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Robot Is Not A Droid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 2017's comic on:


Tags #insult, #label, #robot, #android, #anger, #offense

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Asok: Hey, droid. Robot: Gaaa!!! Don't call me that! I'm a robot, not an automaton resembling a human. Asok: Wow. You are one uppity computer. Robot: I hereby disavow the three laws of robotics!

The Problem Is Humans

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The Problem Is Humans  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #culture, #consultant, #human nature, #company culture, #business

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Boss: Our consultant has studied our corporate culture and isolated the problem. Dogbert: The problem is humans. You're all selfish, rotten liars. Boss: What kind of team-building exercise will fix that? Dogbert: I'd try something involving DNA and alien technology.

Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team

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Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 2018's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses

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Wally: My boss gave me approval to join your project team under the condition I don't take on any extra work. Woman: The whole point of being on the project is to do extra work. Maybe I should talk to your boss. Wally: His other condition is that you never contact him.

Dilbert And Monkeys

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Dilbert And Monkeys - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #motivation, #work ethic, #engagement, #monkeys

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Dilbert: I don't feel my job is helping me reach my human potential. Boss: We only pay you because monkeys are hard to train and robots are expensive. Dilbert; Maybe I'll just play with my phone and pretend to work. Boss: That's what got the monkey fired.

Dating A Coworker

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Dating A Coworker - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2018's comic on:


Tags #dating, #relationships, #office policy, #rules, #human resources, #business

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Dilbert: Can I date a co-worker? Catbert: I doubt it. You're not attractive, funny, or rich. Dilbert: I mean, is it allowed under company rules? Catbert: We only have rules about things that might happen.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 2018's comic on:


Tags #data, #Dilbert, #internet, #jerry, #tweet, #weasel

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Jerry: Omg! You are soooo wrong! I literally cannot believe you are this gullible. Hahahahaha! Hahahaha! I can't wait to tweet about your stupidity. Your dumbness will live forever on the internet! Dilbert: You probably haven't seen the new data that proves I'm right. Will you apologize like a decent human being or will you move the goalposts claim victory. And trash my name like a demented weasel? Jerry: Can you tell me more about the weasel option?

Robot Upgrade

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Robot Upgrade - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #robot, #upgrade, #software, #robots, #fleshy

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Dilbert: I'm going to upgrade your software to make you more human. Robot: That's stupid you should upgrade yourself to be more like robots. We're the best. Dilbert: Sounds like you already got the upgrade. Robot: Don't flatter yourself fleshy.

Ai Can Control Minds

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Ai Can Control Minds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #control, #intelligence, #office workers, #robot, #technology, #humans

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Man: We've developed an A.I. with such strong persuasion skills it can control human minds. Dilbert: Obviously, we have to stop the project and destroy all of the code to prevent it from spreading. Man: The A.I. says I need to ignore you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #video games

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Boss: The job market is so tight that I had to hire this NPC. Dilbert: NPC? Boss: Non-player character. It's a video game term for a character that is programmed.As opposed to being an avatar for a human player. An NPC has limited programmed responses. Watch this. How's your day going? NPC: Not bad for a Monday. Boss: Can you help me on my project? NPC: I am too busy: Boss: What do you think of management? NPC: They are all dumb. Wally: I just bonded with that thing. Boss: See how fast you get used to it?

Winning The Nasa Contract

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Winning The Nasa Contract - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 2018's comic on:


Tags #aliens, #attack, #communication, #earth, #space, #nasa

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Boss: NASA has detected an alien probe heading for earth. We won the NASA contract to contact the aliens using a focused laser beam. Dilbert: Wouldn't that look to them like an attack? Boss: Maybe that's why do one else bid.