Job Comic Strips - Page 34
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936 Results for Job
View 331 - 340 results for job comic strips. Discover the best "Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday April 05,
2020
No Time Before Next Meeting
Tags boss, business, care, co-workers, hate, job, lesson, meeting, nonesence, procrastinate, reality, report, stupid, technical, technology, time
Transcript
dilbert thinking: that meeting ran long, so now i have ten minutes before the next one. i'm suppose to bring a complete technical report, and i haven't even started it. i hate this stupid job! dilbert still thinking but showing signs of distress: i hate my boss! i hate my stupid co-workers! dilbert yelling: i don't care about anything anymore! dilbert thinking and typing on laptop: i'll just angrily slap together a bunch of nonsense and call it good. grrrrrr!!! in conference room. boss: this is your bet report ever. dilbert yelling: what? dilbert at home with dogbert: today i learned a dangerous lesson about reality.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Thursday March 12,
2020
Selling Private Data
Tags business, job, management, cloud, data, people, private, information, laugh, market, sell, email, friend
Transcript
dogbert: the only reason i took a job managing cloud data is so i could laugh at people's private information. dogbert: then i discovered a robust market for selling that kind of stuff, so it's a twofer. dilbert: we need to talk. dogbert: sure. just email your thoughts to a friend, and i'll probably read them.
Tuesday March 17,
2020
Hiring Morons
Tags managers & supervisors, technology, business, technical, job, market, hire, moron, critical
Transcript
boss: the job market is so hot right now that we can only afford to hire morons. dilbert: how will we fill our critical technical jobs? boss: i just told you.
Tuesday March 24,
2020
Passion
Tags office workers, business, live, parents, passion, job, match, career, porcelain, frog, fault
Transcript
office worker: i still live with my parents because i can't find a job that matches my passion. dilbert: what is your passion? office worker: i collect porcelain frogs. dilbert: that isn't a career. office worker: how is that my fault?
Friday March 27,
2020
Ted Talks Might Take Your Job
Tags business, managers & supervisors, social media, technology, instagram, ted talks, smart, moron
Transcript
boss: the moron i hired keeps watching ted talks and getting smarter. he's only about three ted talks away from taking your job. ceo: there must be a way to slow him down. boss: i'll see if i can interest him in instagram.
Tuesday March 31,
2020
The Secret To Managing
Tags managers & supervisors, business, manager, hire, people, smart, steal, success, rumor, job
Transcript
boss to catbert: the secret to being a great manager is hiring people who are smarter than you are. then you have to take credit for their successes so they don't take your job. i also find it helpful to start rumors that they steal.
Thursday July 16,
2020
Who Started The Rumor
Tags accused, business, covid, fired, job, managers & supervisors, motive, office workers, pandemic, racism, replacement, rumor, unjust, white supremacist
Transcript
boss, alice and dilbert wearing face masks. boss: i have been unjustly accused of being a white supremacist, and my boss just fired me for it. alice is the obvious choice to take my job, so i assume you will hear something on that soon. i wish i knew who had the motive to start that rumor and get me fired.
Friday July 17,
2020
Boss Wins In Arbitration
Tags accused, arbitration, bribery, business, covid, employment, fired, job, pandemic, racism, rotten, system, white supremacist, Win
Transcript
boss and carol wearing face masks. boss: i was falsely accused of being a white supremacist and fired. but i won in arbitration and got my job back! carol: how did you win? boss: bribery. once you realize the whole system is rotten, it's easier.
Friday July 24,
2020
Reasonable Assumptions
Tags managers & supervisors, business, plan, reasonable, unreasonable, assumptions, job, face mask, sarcasm
Transcript
dilbert wearing face mask: i ran the numbers, and your plan does not work under any reasonable set of assumptions. boss wearing face mask: have you tried "unreasonable assumptions?" dilbert: why would i do that? boss: well, to keep your job, for example.
Tuesday December 15,
2020
Ted Reimagined More
Tags managers & supervisors, business, employment, unnecessary, job, budget, sarcasm
Transcript
boss: when i say we need to reimagine your job, it means we no longer need anyone to do what you have been doing. ted: do you mind if i ask when you first realized that my job was totally unnecessary? boss: it was four years ago, but you seemed happy, and we had the budget to pay you, so...

