Useless Coworker Comic Strips - Page 34

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

345 Results for Useless Coworker

View 331 - 340 results for useless coworker comic strips. Discover the best "Useless Coworker" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human, #human nature, #arguing, #argument, #social media, #logic, #critic, #troll, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: If we move this button to here, people are more likely to see it. Man: Ha ha! OMG. LOL. So you think every person in the universe is blind? I can't wait to tell everyone that Dilbert thinks people have no eyes. The pure craziness of what you are saying is mid-boggling. Do you have any scientific proof that moving that button would not cause a nuclear holocaust? Dilbert: Everything you just said is dumb and unproductive, and I hate every molecule in your useless body. What's wrong with people? Dogbert: I keep tell you, it's everything.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #mumbling, #speech, #understanding

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What's the URL for the test site? Boss: Ask Amy. Dilbert; Amy is a mumbler. I can't understand a word she says. Boss; Just ask her to speak up. Dilbert: I've tried that. All she does is mumble louder. And whenever I ask her a question by email, she answers the wrong question. If the only person who knows the URL for the test site is Amy, we probably need to build a new site and tell someone else the URL. Amy might be the most useless employee in the entire company. Wally: Can you teach me to mumble? Amy: Mumble, mumble, mumble. Narrator: Get your own system.

You Will Get Used To It

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
You Will Get Used To It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coworkers, #Politics, #disagreement, #Opinion, #flaw, #personality, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't assign you to a project team because everyone hates you for your political opinions. Wally: And they don't hate me for being useless in general? Boss: I guess we all got used to that. Wally: You'll get used to the other thing, too. Give it some time.

Dogbert Gives Wally A Prescription

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Gives Wally A Prescription - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #medicine, #excuse, #doctor, #laziness, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I keep falling asleep during meetings. Dogbert: Your problem is that you're useless. I'll give you a doctor's note that says you can sleep during meetings. Wally: You're the best doctor ever. Dogbert: Tell that to the tip jar in the lobby.

Threatening Wally

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Threatening Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #excuse, #threat, #ultimatum

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: Wally, did you finish the data scrub? Wally: No, a defect in my brain made me too lazy. Woman: Perhaps some sort of threat would get you going. Wally: It's worth a try. Woman: Do your work or else I'll tell everyone you're useless! Wally: That would save me a lot of time.

Worthless Financial Projections

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Worthless Financial Projections - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #finances, #big business, #projection, #prediction, #guessing, #estimate

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Here's the financial projection you asked me to do. It's basically just guessing plus math. Obviously, it's useless for making decisions because I can get any result I want by tweaking the assumptions. Boss: Don't say any of that stuff when you present it to the board tomorrow.

Mind Reader Coworker

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Mind Reader Coworker - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #paranoia, #body language, #assume, #assumption, #conclusions

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Why do you hate the plan so much? Dilbert: I don't hate the plan. I like the plan. Man: No, I can tell by the way you chose your words that you hate it. Now I can tell by your face that you hate me. Dilbert: You're like a blind squirrel who brings his own nuts to the park.

Dating A Coworker

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dating A Coworker - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #relationships, #office policy, #rules, #human resources, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Can I date a co-worker? Catbert: I doubt it. You're not attractive, funny, or rich. Dilbert: I mean, is it allowed under company rules? Catbert: We only have rules about things that might happen.

Wally And The Management Track

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally And The Management Track - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: how can i get on the management track? catbert: are you kidding me? catbert: you are the most useless employee i have ever seen. all you do is walk around and bother people who are trying to work. wally: are you saying i can't get on the management track? catbert: i'm saying you're already on it.

Bad Attitude

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bad Attitude - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #complaining, #employees, #obliviousness, #attitude

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: I need to talk to you about your bad attitude. Dilbert: I'm surrounded by useless idiots, and I work in a fabric-covered box. How can I have a good attitude? Catbert: Oh, good. I was hoping it would be something I couldn't fix.