2003 Comic Strips - Page 34
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Character
Thursday November 27,
2003
Tags protective employees, question, resoning, fox, chickens, across river, rowboat, eat chickens, livestock insurance, blame the fox, barbecue chickens
Transcript
The Boss: "I ask all prospective employees this question to test their reasoning." "You have one fox and two chickens that you need to get across a river. You can only take one at a time in the rowboat. The fox will eat the chickens if left alone." "I'd buy livestock insurance, then barbecue the chickens and blame the fox." Boss: "Can you start today?"
Friday November 28,
2003
Tags edited document, calirty, sent out, amazing, accuracy and relevance, spend career fixing
Transcript
The Boss: I edited your document for clarity and sent it out. Dilbert: wow. Its amazing how clear it is when you take out all of the accuracy and relevance. I stopped listening after wow I'll get busy spending the rest of my career fixing this.
Saturday November 29,
2003
Tags antivirus software, secretly create viruses, detected by software, spooky, underhanded, sneaky, criminal
Transcript
The Boss: Our company is going to make antivirus software. What's that tell you? CatBert: It tells me we'll secretly create viruses that can be detected only by our software. Catbert: Am I close? The Boss: You're spooky.
Sunday November 30,
2003
Tags manager of executive compensation, plan to steal, meeting, back slapping, pormises, raises, ponys, vacations, huge raise, business
Transcript
Boss: "I'd like you to meet Bradley, our new manager of executive compensation." Boss: "Bradley's job is to recommend to our board how much to pay company executives such as me." "Bradley is totally objective." Bradley: "Totally." "That was a world-class observation, so I'll recommend that the company buy you a pony." "...A STRONG pony to carry the huge bags of cash I recommend for you." Boss: "Good work, Bradley. I'll recommend to the board that you get a huge raise!" Dilbert: "Gaaa!! Stop pretending to have reasons!! Just steal the stupid money!!!" Boss: "See what I have to deal with every day?" Bradley: "Would an extra month of vacation reduce the sting?"
Monday December 01,
2003
Tags evil director, merger, extra work, must be reason, tax thing
Transcript
Catbert, evil director human resources. The Boss: "We need to tell our employees about the merger." CatBert: "They'll read it in the news. Why should we do extra work?" The Boss: "Other companies do it. There must be a reason." Catbert: "Maybe it's a tax thing."
Tuesday December 02,
2003
Tags merging with evil compnay, downsize, how valuable
Transcript
"What?!! According to the paper, we're merging with an evil company that plans to downsize us." "Did they run my quote about how valuable you are?"
Wednesday December 03,
2003
Tags break into subgroups, net meeting, usual time, loose canon, label, hackneyed phrases, cut now type
Transcript
wally: "I recommend that we break into subgroups to create a process for choosing our next meeting time." alice: "Or we could just meet next week at our usual time." wally: "You're a loose canon." Alice: "Stop labeling me with hackneyed phrases!" Wally: "You're a 'cut now, measure later' type."
Thursday December 04,
2003
Tags accidentally eat, apple core, care values, customer service, respect, stem is loyalty, teamwork, apple product
Transcript
The Boss: "This apple will remind us of our CORE values: respect, customer service, and teamwork." Dilbert: "The apple's core is the part you throw away." The Boss: "Not always. Sometimes I accidentally eat it." Dilbert: "Maybe the stem can represent our loyalty to the company."
Friday December 05,
2003
Tags fist of death, foot of death, doctor, exam room, dont use, Advice, health, carpal syndrome, medical
Transcript
Doctor: You've got a bad case of carpal punchel syndrome. Doctor: Don't use your "fist of death" for a few weeks. Alice: GAAA!!! Wally: the "Foot of death" is not the same. Asok: It is only slightly menacing.
Saturday December 06,
2003
Tags dating, party, phone number, information, email, voicemail, home phone, offcie, work email, personal website, too much info, skeleton, relationships
Transcript
"I've never done this before, but may I have your phone number?" "Home phone.. cell phone.. work phone.. home e-mail.... personal web site." "...And if that fax machine is out of paper, try the one down the hall, but leave me a voice mail if you do."


