Search Results for "management experts"
Share July 24, 2015's comic on:
Catbert: A good leader creates a sense of awe in employees. But I think you'll find it a lot faster to create a sense of "ow" instead. CEO: I need you to work all weekend again. Dilbert: Ow!
Share November 15, 2015's comic on:
Boss: We are going to start monitoring employee productivity in real time. Any questions? Dilbert: I need one clarification. Are you saying you removed the last shred of human dignity from our jobs and reduced us to nothing but a meat machine that suffers in a state of perpetual inadequacy as each person is compared to an arbitrary and ever-growing goal until there is no realistic way for the employee to find happiness through natural means? Boss: That's one way to look at it.
Share October 26, 2015's comic on:
Boss: I told the employees about our plan to boost productivity by changing the floor layout. Now they claim they can't get their work done because the current floor plan is inefficient. Hoe do I get them to stop agreeing with me? CEO: What do you usually do?
Share January 02, 2016's comic on:
Boss: Alice, you're doing a great job and the company values you. Alice: Your insincere management babble is making me uncomfortable. Boss: That's motivation you're feeling. Alice: I'm getting more of a stalker vibe.
Share February 11, 2016's comic on:
CEO: Management has selected Dilbert to be our new company mascot. His bad posture speaks volumes about his hard work and long hours. Dilbert: Ow! CEO: Did you ever dream you would be so successful? Dilbert: This is exactly how I dreamed it.
Share April 10, 2016's comic on:
Dilbert: Can I take a class to improve my communication skills? Boss: What are you talking about? Dilbert: I want to take a class that teaches me how to communicate better. Boss: I don't understand what you're asking me. Dilbert: I am asking permission to take a class to help me communicate better. Boss: I see your lips moving but I can't figure out what you're asking. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! There's no way to get there from here! Boss: I'm glad I took that management class on how to not listen. It already paid off.
Share March 25, 2016's comic on:
Boss: Great update, Ted. Now let's hear what Dilbert did this week. Dilbert: I unnecessarily duplicated Ted's work because you forgot you asked bot of us to do the same task. Boss: And how about Alice? Alice: You're three for three.
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Share July 03, 2016's comic on:
Tina: Sorry I'm late. Traffic was terrible. Dilbert: Isn't the traffic from your house always terrible at this time of day? Tina: Exactly! That's why I'm late every day. Dilbert: Do you see any way you could fix that? Tina: I can't control the traffic. Dilbert: You could leave earlier. Tina: Then I wouldn't get enough sleep. Dilbert; You could go to bed earlier. Tina: Then I wouldn't have time to watch Netflix until two in the morning. Do you want me to hate my life? Dilbert: I didn't until now.