How To Comic Strips - Page 35
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1000 Results for How To
View 341 - 350 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday March 04,
1994
Tags voting, opposite positions, cancel out, republican, dogs don't vote, democrat
Transcript
Dilbert: "Do you remember last election day...and how you convinced me to not vote?" "You argued that since we disagreed on all issues, we could both stay home and the outcome would be the same as if we both voted." "Dogs can't vote!" Dogbert: "Well, not directly."
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Thursday March 10,
1994
Tags no raises, no promotions, mathematical certainty, inflation, pooer, uncertainty, leader, not just manager
Transcript
The Boss: "The company has announced there will be no raises or promotions this year." "Now, there's a mathematical certainty that no matter how hard you work, inflation will make you poorer." Dilbert: "I hated the old way, with all the uncertainty." The Boss: "I'm not just a manager, I'm a leader!"
Wednesday March 16,
1994
Tags blind ambition, chips & dips, food services, new name, procurement, the unled, new department
Transcript
The Boss: We'll need a name for the newly reorganized department. The name should reflect how Ive seamlessly integrated engineering with food services and procurement. Dilbert: How about "chips and dips"? Wally: "Blind Ambition" Man: " The unled"
Wednesday March 23,
1994
Tags date, lisa, coffee at work, wash hair, saturday night, dinner date, rejected, clean hair
Transcript
Dilbert: Lisa, I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner saturday night. Lisa: Uh...I have to wash my hair saturday. how about having coffee here at work instead? Dilbert: I'll pass. I was hoping for someone with clean hair.
Saturday April 02,
1994
Tags chicken to dinosaur, vegatables, vegetarian
Transcript
Dilbert: "Would you like some chicken, Bob?" "I told you I'm a vegetarian. I eat vegetables." "How about fish? Do you eat fish?" "Fish are not vegetables." "How about clams? Do you eat clams?" "No, but you're starting to look good."
Tuesday May 03,
1994
Tags all day meeting, bathroom, critique the decor, house, kitchen shoddy, sub teams
Transcript
wally: "How foolish of you to host the all-day staff meeting at your house." "Let's form sub-teams to be more efficient. Ted will do accidental spills. Alice, you critique the decor. I'll be a floater." Alice: "Kichen, shoddily done..." Ted: "I spilled mayonaise on the wall." Wally: "Where's the bathroom?"
Thursday May 12,
1994
Tags all assignments, big binder, same building, president, good word, two good words
Transcript
"Ratbert the consultant" "It looks like you've all done your assignments for me." "Your input is so important that I'll have it put in a big binder in stored in the same building that your president works!" "And I'll put in a good word for you when I meet with your boss later today." "Wink, thumbs up" "How about two good words?"
Wednesday June 01,
1994
Tags diveristy, sensitivity training, seek better understanding, dumpy white guy section
Transcript
"I can't believe we have to go to 'diversity sensitivity' training." "Wally, I don't see how it could be bad to seek a better understanding of others." "Uh-oh." "Take a seat in the 'dumpy white guy section'. I'm ready to start."
Friday June 03,
1994
Tags imagine, being a woman, men in training, people acknowledge, can't find keys, blouse falls off, distorted view, misogyny
Transcript
"In this sensitivity excercise, close your eyes and imagine how it feels to be a woman." "People acknowledge my existence. They smile for no reason and hold hte door open. I'm ...I'm popular." "I can't find my keys." "I'm never going back. I can't. I won't." "My blouse falls to the floor..." "Break! Break!"
Friday June 10,
1994
Tags no work, invented code, accounting systems, mid 80s, undocumented spaghetti logic, holy grail, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: "I've never seen you do any real work around here, Irv. How do you get away with it?" IRV: "I wrote the code for our accounting system back in the mid-eighties. It's a million lines of undocumented spaghetti logic." DILBERT: "It's the Holy Grail of technology!!" IRV: "You boys may find a little extra in your envelopes this month."

