2020 Comic Strips - Page 35
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Character
Friday December 04,
2020
Thought Leader
Tags business, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, calendar, assistant, leader, delegation, thought, work, hands
Transcript
boss: ask my assistant to put it on my calendar. dilbert: why can't you just put it on your calendar right now? boss: i'm more of a thought leader. i don't like to work with my hands.
Saturday December 05,
2020
Married Zoomers
Tags business, sarcasm, video conference, technology, zoom, anger, married, speakerphone, room, hear, distracting
Transcript
dilbert with laptop on video conference. voice from laptop yelling: stop using your speakerphone! i'm trying to make a zoom call! i can still hear you! go in the other room! i said go in the other room! dilbert: being married sounds fun. Voice from laptop: i can still hear you!
Sunday December 20,
2020
Wally Makes A Suggestion
Tags business, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, technology, product idea, idea, debunk
Transcript
wally: did you see my brilliant product idea i emailed to you? boss: yes, i already debunked it in my mind. wally: perhaps you could share your reasons. boss: if it's such a great idea. why isn't someone else doing it? and if someone is already doing it, we are far too late. in order for your idea to be good, i would have to think you are smarter than everyone in the industry. and seriously, just look at you. anyone else have an idea? others: nope. nope, never. nope.
Sunday December 27,
2020
Scheduling A Call
Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, video conference call, schedule, call, zoom, facetime, signal, whatsapp, voice call, clock
Transcript
boss and dilbert communicating on video conference call. dilbert: let's schedule a follow-up call. do you prefer zoom, FaceTime, signal, WhatsApp, or voice call? boss: zoom dilbert: how about next tuesday at 10 a.m. my time, which is 1 p.m. your time? boss: i'll be on the road then, so you 10 a.m. will be my noon. but that's after the time change. boss: and i can't remember if i'm going to a place that change their clocks. dilbert: why don't we skip the whole thing because the call we are scheduling probably won't be any more useful than this one. boss: let us never speak of this again.
Monday December 07,
2020
5 G Format
Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, recommendation, 5g, format, industry, standard, tricking
Transcript
dilbert: and that's why i recommend creating a 5g format called orthogonal frequency division multiplexing. boss: that will never work. dilbert: it's already an industry standard. i was joking. boss: stop doing the to me. dilbert: i don't know if i can.
Tuesday December 08,
2020
5 G Is 4 G
Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, wireless, service, 5g, 4g, complain, impossible, phone
Transcript
boss: we are rolling out our new 5G wireless service today. dilbert: we don't have any 5G technology. boss: it's really 4G, but no one wants that, so we call it 5G. dilbert: people will complain. boss: that's okay. we're also making it impossible to reach us by phone.
Wednesday December 09,
2020
Dogbert 5 G Testing
Tags business, technology, 5g, testing, low-cost, phone, prototype, eggs, fry, silly, qualified, experts, safety, email, bill
Transcript
tina: i don't want to sit too near your 5G phone prototype. i worry that it will fry my eggs. boss: don't be silly. this phone was extensively tested for safety by qualified experts. boss to dogbert: i need you to test this 5G phone for safety. dogbert at desk labeled "low-cost testing: it looks fine to me. i'll email you my bill.
Thursday December 10,
2020
Pick Midpoint
Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, projections, accurate, random, guess, midpoint, decision
Transcript
bos: which of your two projections do you think is more accurate? dilbert: they are both random guesses. i made two of them to create an illusion of a credible range. boss: so...would it be reasonable to pick the midpoint? dilbert: it's as reasonable as your other decisions.
Friday December 11,
2020
Trust Coworkers
Tags business, managers & supervisors, trust, pretend, different
Transcript
in office building boss: okay, team. we can get this done if we trust each other. alice: that's not a thing. dilbert: i don't trust any of you. boss: maybe we can pretend. dilbert: i'd need to pretend we're different people.
Saturday December 12,
2020
Read The Article
Tags business, office workers, article, feedback, time, waste, thoughts
Transcript
co-worker: can i get your thoughts on the article i emailed to you? dilbert: okay. my thoughts are that i don't want to waste my time reading any articles you send to me. co-worker: can you dive a bit deeper? dilbert: okay. i also don't like talking to you.


