Ceo Comic Strips - Page 35
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627 Results for Ceo
View 341 - 350 results for ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday May 10,
2013
Tags banning telecommuting, cruelty, evil corporations, executives, maternity leave, new policy, pay package
Transcript
Boss: Employees are in a furor over our new policy and banning telecommuting. CEO: Really? You mean we found a way to make them stop obsessing over my pay package? Try canceling all maternity leave and see if it makes them stop talking about telecommuting.
Tuesday May 14,
2013
Tags executives, how-to, book on leadership, steve jobs, warren buffet, gandhi, ryan seacrest, carbon based life forms
Transcript
CEO: I'm reading a book about what it takes to be a great leader. Do you know what Steve Jobs, Warren Buffett, Gandhi, and Ryan Seacrest have in common? Dilbert: None of them read this book. CEO: And they are carbon-based life-forms.
Wednesday May 15,
2013
Tags how-to, best selliners, leadership, sociopathic tendencies, personality disorders, read books, coffee, metting, office
Transcript
Dilbert: As you requested, I researched all of the best-selling books on the topic of leadership. Apparently, leadership is the product of sociopathic tendencies plus luck. All other personality traits are inactive ingredients. Wally: Did you actually read all of those books? Dilbert: I only needed to know they were all different.
Tuesday May 21,
2013
Tags excitement, flattery, respect, companys success
Transcript
Customer Meeting CEO: The secret of our company's success is that we hire good people. Dilbert: What? Are you saying I'm good? I've never heard a compliment at work. What is that feeling inside me? Is it the thing called self-esteem? Customer: Awkward. CEO: Just ignore him. Dilbert: Behold my goodness!
Saturday May 25,
2013
Tags executives, ignorance (knowledge), progress, key to success, hire, business is successful, circular reasoning
Transcript
Dogbert: What is the key to success? CEO: Hire the right employees! Dogbert: How do you know you hired the right ones? CEO: You know because the business is successful. Dogbert: So the key to success is circular reasoning? CEO: Yes, because circular reasoning is the key.
Thursday May 30,
2013
Tags ex ceo, executives, generous, negotiated, severance package, wages, robotic flea, giant flea, money
Transcript
Catbert: Our es-CEO negotiated an unusually generous severance package. We had to build a giant robotic flea to suck the assets out of the company. The weird part is that it seemed reasonable at the time.
Sunday June 09,
2013
Tags frustration, bias for action, enemy of good, folksy, spray defective stuff
Transcript
CEO: We need to have a bias for action. Don't let perfect be the enemy of good. Dilbert: So... a carpenter should saw the board first and measure it later? CEO: Your use of that folksy saying makes my strategy sound dumb. Alice: Why do you care if your strategy is perfect or not? Dilbert: You just said it's more important to spray your defective stuff on the universe than it is to get things right. CEO: "Spray my defective stuff?" Dilbert: Should I have waited for a perfect way to say that?
Monday June 10,
2013
Tags apathy, gadgets, vision / eye care, wally glasses, google glasses, enhance reality
Transcript
Dogbert: I invented "Wally Glasses" to compete with Google's glasses. Google's glasses enhance reality, whereas Wally glasses make reality look like it isn't worth the effort. Dogbert: Let me know if they kill you.
Sunday June 23,
2013
Tags anger, executives, happiness, deadline, no disturbance, threat, fired, do/dont, sexist, powertrip, euphoria, overpaid, psychology
Transcript
Boss: I'm on a deadline, so don't let anyone disturb me for at least an hour. If anyone gets past you, you're fired. CEO: Tell your boss to come to my office now. Carol: He'll fire me if I disturb him. CEO: I'm your CEO! Disturb your boss now or I'll fire you. Boss: I heard that, and if you disturb me, you're fired. CEO: You're fired if you don't! Boss: You're fired if you do! CEO: Whoa! Hold on! I'm getting a sudden wave of euphoria. Boss: Me too! CEO: Is it because we're overpaid? Boss: It... it feels... wonderful!
Wednesday July 03,
2013
Tags executives, wages, media, overpaid, ceos, executive pay, sultan of brunei, larry elliosn, god, Religion, Entertainment, money
Transcript
CEO: The media is saying I'm overpaid compared to other CEOs. That's crazy. Do a benchmark study of executive pay, including the Sultan of Brunei, Larry Ellison, and God. Make sure my pay ends up somewhere in the middle so it doesn't look suspicious.


