Fetch Coffee Comic Strips - Page 35
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wally with coffee: i've had a lot of side effects since i switched to medical-grade coffee. on the plus side, i can see through plywood, and i no longer need a tool to open jars. dilbert: you couldn't open jars before? wally: let's not dwell on that point.
wally in meeting with boss and dilbert: i've been highly productive since switching to medical-grade coffee. i finished all of my projects and did an excellent job on every one. boss: wow! dilbert and wally in hall after: so that stuff actually makes you more productive? wally: no, but it does make me lie better.
dilbert: why is your writing so angry? tina: tech writers are underpaid, so all of our envy and contempt spill out on the page. dilbert: maybe you tech writers should drink less coffee and exercise more. tina: this is exactly why we hate everyone.
boss: i object to your twitter profile. it says... "my tweets are smart and useful, so obviously they do not represent my employer." Wally chocking on coffee: smorph! dilbert pointing: now see what you did to wally.
tina: it feels as if the days are going by faster lately. dilbert: that's because we're a computer simulation that just got a software upgrade. tina: there's really nothing you can't ruin with that nonsense, is there? dilbert: i hear that a lot.
wally: they said it couldn't be done. boss: but you did it? wally: no, it turns out they're usually right. boss: who are "they," and why am i just learning this? wally: you sound like me last week.
dilbert: dogbert doesn't believe me when i tell him i need more alone time for my mental health. wally: why would he listen to you when you're obviously crazy? dilbert: i hate talking to you. wally: should i fake more empathy.
boss: we're losing market share to a company that has a remote workforce. dilbert: how can they be doing so well when the employees don't have someone like you looking over their shoulders every minute? boss: i know its baffling.
dilbert in front of laptop on video conference: our audio is garbled. i can't hear what you are saying. dilbert yelling: no, i didn't say anything about a gerbil. i said our audio is garbled. dogbert and dilbert at home. dogbert: how'd your zoom call go? dilbert: i solved zero problems and may have endangered a gerbil.
boss: wally, four out of five of your projects are behind schedule. wally: that's because of the pandemic. boss: one of your projects is on schedule. wally: that's because of me.