Many Problems Comic Strips - Page 35

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

413 Results for Many Problems

View 341 - 350 results for many problems comic strips. Discover the best "Many Problems" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #catch-22, #compliment, #compliments, #insult, #insulting, #work ethic, #technical skills, #perfect attendance, #risk averse, #no social life, #irrational needs, #code writing puppet

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You're a perfect employee in many ways. Dilbert: I am? Boss: For example, you have excellent technical skills. Dilbert: That's true. Boss: And your attendance is perfect. Dilbert: Yes, it is. Boss: And you are too risk-averse to quit and start your own company. Dilbert: What? Boss: Plus, you have no social life to interfere with work.Dilbert: Are these still compliments? Boss: Combine all of that with your irrational need for approval, and it makes you a code-writing puppet. Did I already say you're underpaid? Dilbert: Stop complimenting me!

Wally's Many Patents

Thank you for voting.
Wally's Many Patents - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2015's comic on:


Tags #accomplishments, #deception, #work ethic, #patent, #inventions

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: On your list of accomplishments, you say you filed seventeen patents for the company this month. Wally: I did. Here's the documentation on each of them. Boss: Hmm... it will be three years before I know if these are accepted. Wally: Until then, let's play it safe and assume I'm awesome.

Wally Is Employee Of The Year

Thank you for voting.
Wally Is Employee Of The Year - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2015's comic on:


Tags #awards, #cheating, #deception, #patent, #catch-22, #work ethic, #laziness

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Our Employee Of The Year is Wally, for filing the most patents of any engineer in our history. Dilbert: How many have been granted? CEO: Well, most of them... I assume? Wally: How much coffee does this thing hold?

Root Cause Is People

Thank you for voting.
Root Cause Is People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2015's comic on:


Tags #problems, #cause and effect, #human error

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I found the root cause of our problems. It's people. They're buggy. Boss: Did you bring a pen?

Squirrel In The Large Hadron Collider

Thank you for voting.
Squirrel In The Large Hadron Collider - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 04, 2015's comic on:


Tags #criticism, #obliviousness, #ignorance, #idiocy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Your comments on my technology strategy are ambiguous. You compared it to a "squirrel looking for a nut in the large hadron collider." Dilbert: So..? Boss: How many nuts are in there?

List Of Known Problems

Thank you for voting.
List Of Known Problems - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2015's comic on:


Tags #joke, #insult, #misanthrope, #misanthropy

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Did you get the link I sent you for our company directory? Boss: I didn't ask for that. I asked for a list of known problem... Oh. Not funny. Alice: Then how do you explain this?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2015's comic on:


Tags #wifi, #wi-fi, #internet, #coffee shop, #public, #privacy, #security, #technology, #cyber security, #password, #identity, #identity theft, #passwords

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Yay, you have wi-fi! Now I can drink overpriced coffee while strangers steal my passwords. The timing is sort of a coincidence. Because I was just wondering what would be the fastest way to lose everything I own. And this fixes one of my other big problems too... I always want to share my browser history with strangers, and now I can! By the way, I'm Dilbert. Elbonian: I was Gropnorb, but now I go by Fred. Dilbert: Did a guy named Fred use your wi-fi? Elbonian: Right after he under-tipped.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 2015's comic on:


Tags #ideas, #problems, #talking, #solution, #obliviousness, #criticism, #honesty

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why didn't you tell me our biggest vendor pulled out of the deal? Dilbert: If I told you my problems, you would suggest solutions. Your solutions generally don't make sense. But you are my boss, so I would be obliged to waste time looking into your suggestions. So if you try to solve my problem, I will have two problems instead of one. Boss: Sometimes my ideas are good! Right? Dilbert: That is a dangerous way to think.

Solving Problems In Interviews

Thank you for voting.
Solving Problems In Interviews - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2015's comic on:


Tags #interview, #trick, #thinking, #problem

View Transcript

Transcript

Job Interview. Boss: Tell me your process for solving this sort of problem. Man: I would ignore it for a week and likely discover that it wasn't important in the first place. If it still matters after a week, I would hold fake job interviews and ask people how to solve it. Boss: Apparently, that doesn't work.

Low Battery On Brain Stimulator

Thank you for voting.
Low Battery On Brain Stimulator  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 2015's comic on:


Tags #boredom, #invention, #planning, #party, #picnic, #details, #cups

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm wearing a brain stimulator so I don't die of boredom while organizing the company picnic. Carol: Speaking of that, what kind of cups should I order? Do you want red or clear? And what sizes? How many? Is this a bad time? Device: Low battery.