2018 Comic Strips - Page 35

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Keeping The Worthless People

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Keeping The Worthless People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, employees, managers & supervisors, salary, incompetence

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I've noticed that 20% of my employees do 80% of the work around here. But I need to keep all of the worthless employees because my pay is based on how many people report to me. Catbert: Doesn't their incompetence bother you? Boss: Not since I found a way to get paid for it.

Horse Blinders

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Horse Blinders - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags communication, employees, office, office workers, work

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I added horse blinders to my noise-cancellation headphones. You tried to ruin my productivity by moving to an open office plan, but I have thwarted your evil ambitions. Boss: Experts say the open plan is better for communication. Dilbert: Are you talking? I can't tell.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags communication, frustrated, office, office workers, talking

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Did Alice talk to you about the cost estimates? Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: I can't hear you. Ted: Mumble mumble!!! Dilbert: Now you're just mumbling louder. Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: Maybe you could turn toward me when you mumble and I can try to read your lips. Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: I'm getting something about grapes, windshields, asthma, and blockchain. Ted: I didn't say any of those things. Dilbert: Okay. I understood that sentence. Now answer my question the same way. Ted: Mumble mumble.

Carol Raises Money For School

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Carol Raises Money For School  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags family & parenting, guilt, office, office workers, sales, sarcasm, school

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I'm selling chocolate bars to raise funds for my kid's school. Dilbert: I'm childless, so I already subsidize your kid's education. Carol: I was hoping it would feel too awkward for you to say no. Dilbert: By my calculations, you owe me money.

Selling Chocolate For School

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Selling Chocolate For School - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags family & parenting, managers & supervisors, office, office workers, sales, school, capitalism

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I'm selling chocolate bars to raise money for my kid's school. Boss: That sounds like communism. I'm out. Carol: I'll give you a fake receipt so you can expense it. Boss: Now it sounds like capitalism. I'm in.

Write Your Own Review

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Write Your Own Review - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, managers & supervisors, office, office workers, performance, sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to write your own performance review for my signature. Dilbert: I'll sign it for you too. I see no reason for you to be involved. Boss: Put something in there about insubordination. Dilbert: Got it.

Alice Writes Own Review

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Writes Own Review - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, managers & supervisors, office, office workers, performance, sarcasm, review

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm asking everyone to write their own performance reviews. Alice: "She shone like the light of a thousand suns." Boss: Slop some jargon on that and put a bow on it. Alice: Got it.

Cake Is Healthy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cake Is Healthy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cake, diet, employees, employment, health, health food, office, office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're launching a health and wellness initiative for employees this week. In other news, we have cake in the break room to celebrate all of the birthdays this month. Dilbert: Because cake is healthy? Boss: Learn to compartmentalize.

Fly On Weekend

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Fly On Weekend - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business, managers & supervisors, office workers, evil, cheap

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to do a customer site visit. Book your flight for the weekend so you don't miss any work. Dilbert: I'm impressed by your casual evil. Boss: Bring your own food.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags confused, irritation, misunderstanding, office, office workers, requests

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Did you finish the specs I asked you for last week? Ted: You didn't follow up with me on that, so I assumed you didn't need them. Dilbert: I didn't need to follow up. I asked for the specs by today, and you said you would have them done. Ted: Yes, but then you didn't ask me again. Dilbert: There was no reason to ask you again. Ted: Obviously there was a reason because asking me once didn't work. Dilbert: Can you finish it by next week? Ted: Yes. Dilbert: Good. Ted: As long as you follow up.