Ceo Comic Strips - Page 35
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627 Results for Ceo
View 341 - 350 results for ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday July 18,
2012
Tags dissenters, speak truth to power, ignorant, bald and overpaid, respect, ceo
Transcript
Dogbert: Do you respect those who speak truth to power? CEO: I don't know what that means. Dogbert: In this case it means you're ignorant, bald and overpaid. Do you respect me, or should I keep going?
Monday July 09,
2012
Tags browser history, business ethics, engineer, engineering, padded resume, puppets, technically, rumor
Transcript
CEO: I'd like to address the rumor that I padded my resume. In the strictest sense of the word, I am not technically an "engineer" per se. But to put this in perspective, even The Pope hides his browser history. It's no big deal.
Saturday July 07,
2012
Tags certification in puppetry, degree in engineering, diploma and bait shop, discrepancy, resume, ventriloquism
Transcript
Boss: One of our major investors found a discrepancy on your resume. You claim to have a degree in engineering, but in reality you have a certification in puppetry from a place called... Evelyn's Diploma and Bait Shop. CEO: The board has faith in our CEO.
Sunday June 10,
2012
Tags better job, goldilocks zone, managers, marinate in own stench, monster, skills expire, technology certifictae, training, your training
Transcript
Dilbert: I need to get this technology certification. Boss: Whoa! No way. If I pay for your training, you'll use your certification to get a better job. At the moment, you're in what we managers call the goldilocks zone. You're not hot enough to get a better job, and you're not yet incompetent at the one you have. When your skills expire, in the next year or two, I'll replace you with someone younger. Dilbert: You're a monster! I'll pay for my own training and leave you to marinate in your own stench! CEO: How did you keep your training expenses so low? Boss: I marinated in my own stench.
Tuesday May 22,
2012
Tags business failures/bankruptcies, too big to fail, two pigs, flail, clever, demoralizing
Transcript
Boss: Are we too big to fail? CEO: Nope. We're more like two pigs that flail. Boss: That's clever, and yet demoralizing. CEO: You're welcome.
Thursday May 17,
2012
Tags presentation, confusing, unpersuasive, inability, miscommunication, inability to understand
Transcript
CEO: Someone told me your presentation was confusing and unpersuasive. Dilbert: Sometimes one person's inability to understand looks like another person's inability to explain. CEO: I don't understand what you just said. Dilbert: See?
Monday May 14,
2012
Tags anger, discrimination, Women, containment unit, steel vault, Men, co workers, job, condesending, freak out, death, business, medical
Transcript
CEO: Settle down, honey. I didn't ask for your opinion. I'm telling you what we're going to do. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Lower the containment unit! She's going to blow. CEO: When will it be safe? Dilbert: Right after you die.
Monday May 07,
2012
Tags interviewed users, suggestions, idiots, dumb suggestions, hindsight
Transcript
Dilbert: We interviewed hundreds of users and turned all of their suggestions into features. As it turns out, every user we talked to was an idiot, and their dumb suggestions ruined our product. In hindsight, we probably should have talked to people who work outside this building.
Tuesday April 24,
2012
Tags dental work, introducing, kept the thought, naming, new brand, herthlokel
Transcript
CEO: Our new brand will be called "Herthlokel." Tina: Did you come up with that when you were getting dental work? I probably should have kept that thought bottled up inside me.
Sunday April 15,
2012
Tags correlations, predicted outcomes, problem, enormous ceo compensation, myth, control over profits, awkward, trap door, ceo trick, violent
Transcript
Dilbert: I did a study of our past business plans and found something. There's no correlation between our predicted and actual outcomes. That might be a problem for you. Your enormous CEO compensation is based on the myth that you have some control over our profitability. CEO: Ha! Dilbert: Ha! CEO: Is it just me or is this awkward? Dilbert: No, I'm feeling it too.


