2003 Comic Strips - Page 35
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Character
Saturday January 25,
2003
Tags decompose, digits, million dollars, planned obsolescene, upgarde, upgrade now, version, newest software
Transcript
Dilbert is meeting with a salesman. The salesman says, "For only a million dollars, you can upgrade to our newest software version." The salesman continues, "Or you can slowly decompose in the miasma of our planned obsolescence." Dilbert says, "We can't afford to upgrade now." The salesman holds up a device and replies, "Say goodbye to the digits three and nine."
Friday January 24,
2003
Tags upgarde, pc operating systems, stable environemnt, applications, form of taxation, evil shadow government
Transcript
Dilbert says to The Boss, "We need to upgrade our PC operating systems, so we have a stable environment for applications." Dilbert continues, "Think of it as a form of taxation by an evil shadow government." The Boss responds, "Shadow government? That's ridiculous." The Boss' computer says, "Shut up and pay me."
Thursday January 23,
2003
Tags lazy beaver, excuses, doesnt return calls, making excuses, more jobs, future jobs, scamming, both sdies
Transcript
Dilbert points to a slide of the beaver and says, "The project is behind schedule because our contractor is a lazy beaver." Dilbert says to The Boss, "For a while he was making up excuses. Now, he doesn't return calls." The Boss replies, "What's your plan?" Dilbert says, "I hope to get him back to making up excuses by promising him more jobs in the future."
Wednesday January 22,
2003
Tags construction bid, award for job, team of skilled craftmen, ex wife, truck on fire
Transcript
Dilbert holds a piece of paper and says, "Your construction bid is the lowest so I have to award you the job." Dilbert asks, "When can your team of highly skilled craftsmen begin?" The beaver responds, "I'll call you." The beaver is leaning over a huge book titled, "Excuses." He says into the telephone, "Day one: My ex-wife set my truck on fire."
Tuesday January 21,
2003
Tags new tech lab, pick contractor, lowest bid, force problems, chance to gnaw wood, beaver interview
Transcript
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "I'm putting you in charge of building our new technology lab." The Boss continues, "Pick the contractor with the lowest bid. I don't see any problems with that strategy." Dilbert is meeting with a beaver. Dilbert says, "So, your bid says you'll do the job for... 'A chance to gnaw on wood.'" The beaver responds, "Too high?"
Monday January 20,
2003
Tags bad person, crud, despicable, loathesome, rehearsed, walks with dog, unethical
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert are walking outside. Dilbert says, "I work for an unethical company. Does that make me a bad person?" Dogbert replies, "You're loathsome and despicable. If crud were shoes, you would be the crud in the crud's shoes." Dilbert and Dogbert are sitting on stones in a field. Dilbert asks, "Why did that seem rehearsed?" Dogbert responds, "That's all I think about when we go for walks."
Sunday January 19,
2003
Tags despartment, normal scope, over loaded, flexible, client driven, outside of scope, avoid projects, cheerfully accept assignments
Transcript
A business associate asks The Boss, "Can your department do this for us?" The Boss responds, "No problem." The business associate says, "Really? It's outside of your normal scope of work and I know you're over-loaded." The Boss exclaims, "We're a flexible, client-driven organization!" Asok asks Wally, "Wally, how can I avoid projects that are outside of my scope of responsibility?" Wally responds, "Cheerfully accept the assignments and then never work on them." Wally continues, "It bolsters your claims of being overloaded while leaving you free for work that matters." Asok asks, "Work matters?" Wally replies, "Well, not to us." The Boss hands Asok an assignment and says, "I'm not even sure what they want." Asok responds, "I'll start ignoring it immediately."
Saturday January 18,
2003
Tags radiating aura, extreme incompetence, turn off, minute to cool
Transcript
The Boss: "Wally, could you.." Wally turns; he has a dotted bubble around his body. The Boss continues, "Oh.. never mind, I see that you're radiating an aura of extreme incompetence." Dilbert, Alice, and Wally are eating lunch. Dilbert says to Wally, "You forgot to turn off your aura." Wally responds, "It takes a minute to cool down."
Friday January 17,
2003
Tags lost cash, consultectomy, wallet, transfusion, sedate unwilling donor, happy hour
Transcript
The Boss is lying in bed. Dogbert says, "The consultectomy was successful, but you lost a lot of cash." Dogbert continues, "We're giving your wallet a transfusion, but we had to sedate an unwilling donor." A businessman sits on a bed with a martini in one hand. There is tube stretching from his pocket to The Boss' wallet, Ratbert is manning the machine. The businessman says, "Whoever thought of happy hour at a hospital is a geniush."
Thursday January 16,
2003
Tags body in body, knife, one will die, recommends killing, save one life only, one or the other
Transcript
Dogbert is standing on a stool. The Boss is sitting across from him; the consultick is still inside The Boss' torso. Dogbert says, "I can either save your life or the consultant's life, but one of you will die." The Boss replies, "Give us a minute to discuss it." The Boss stands and says, "He recommends that you kill me."

