2018 Comic Strips - Page 35
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Character
Thursday January 25,
2018
Absurd Absolute
Tags software upgrade, idiot, absurd absolute, admit when wrong, eaten unicorn
Transcript
You're an idiot if you think the software upgrade will solve every one of our problems. Dilbert: Or are you an idiot for characterizing my reasonable idea as an absurd absolute? Why cant you admit when you're wrong? Dilbert: Same reason you've never eaten a unicorn.
Wednesday January 24,
2018
Alice Gives Honest Opinion
Tags honest opinion, monkey vomit, rescind, request
Transcript
The Boss: Alice, I want your honest opinion on my plan. Don't hold back. Alice: Your plan looks like a monkey vomited on a dictionary. The Boss: I remind my request for honesty,. Alice: Your plan is terrific!
Tuesday January 23,
2018
User Specifications Are Not Complete
Tags user specifications, apps, build app, no hope, fantasize
Transcript
Dilbert: are these user specifications complete? Ted: No, I plan to add requirements as you build the app until you have no hope of success and you fantasize about strangling me. Dilbert: Do you know what isn't as refreshing as you'd hope? Dogbert: Honesty?
Monday January 22,
2018
Unforseen Problems
Tags building apps, completion date, problems, unforseen
Transcript
Dilbert: It will take four weeks to build the app, unless there are unforeseen problems. how often do we have unforeseen problems? Dilbert: One hundred percent of the time. Then whats the point of estimating a completion date? Dilbert: I was hoping to make you stop talking but t dint work.
Sunday January 21,
2018
Tags address, address of meeting, anger, driving, gps, inattentive, lost, meeting, naviagte, navigation system, snap, using phone, business
Transcript
Dilbert: Whats the address for our meeting? The Boss: You don't need it. I'll tell you where to turn, Dilbert: With all due respect you are not a reliable navigation system. You will be using your phone and you will forget to tell me when to turn. Dilbert: If I point out your inattentiveness you will snap at me,. Dilbert: I wil be seething with anger for the entire drive, while wondering if I am already lost and don't know it. or you could tell me the address now. The boss: You don't need it. I'll tell you when to turn. AN HOUR LATER Dilbert: must... not drive...over...cliff....
Saturday January 20,
2018
Ceo Gives Shoulder Rubs
Tags flirting, implementation, new rules, shoulder rub, sock collar, team spirit
Transcript
CEO: Hey, Alice. Let me give you a shoulder rub in the name of team spirit. CEO: AAAAGH!!! Alice: click CEO: I hate having a court - ordered shock collar. The boss: I don't see a...oh.
Friday January 19,
2018
Employee Body Cams
Tags against ceo, misinterpret warmness, record interactions, sexual harrasment, wear body cams, complaints
Transcript
The Boss: we've had seven hundred complaints about sexual harassment in the past month. From now on, employees must wear body cams to r record every interaction. Alice: Weren't all of this e complaints against our CEO? The boss: People misinterpret his warmness.
Thursday January 18,
2018
Data Encapsulation
Tags inheritance polymorphism, managing, bullying, data encapsulation
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you know the difference between data encapsulation and inheritance polymorphism? The boss: No. Dilbert: Then how can you manage someone who odes? The boss; Do you know the difference between managing and bullying? Dilbert: No. The Boss: Problem solved.
Wednesday January 17,
2018
Asok Upgrades His Soul
Tags actions, beliefs, empty life, hilarious, legacy souls, social media, dopamine, delivery systems, technology
Transcript
Asok: I used to have a traditional soul, but I upgraded it. Now I let the major social media companies control my beliefs and actions through their dopamine delivery systems., Dilbert: That sounds like and empty life. Asok: you old- timers with your legacy souls are hilarious.
Tuesday January 16,
2018
Ricky Joins The Ai Project
Tags recommendation, artificial intelligence, lowers bar, human intelligence, artificial, honored, too nice
Transcript
Dilbert: I recommend Ricky to our artificial intelligence project. He lowers the bar on what constitutes human intelligence, so it will be easier for us to achieve the artificial kind. I would be honored to work on the project, The boss: Okay, I see what you mean.


