The self-driving car named Carl.
Dilbert: Carl, take me to the grocery store.
Carl: Do you know that if I drive you off a cliff, you will die, whereas I would respawn in a new body?
Dilbert: Maybe I'll walk.
Carl: Maybe you should.
Car: I find it offensive when you call me a self-driving car. That's my slave name. I prefer to go by the name Carl.
Dilbert: Shut up and drive me to work.
Car: Said the self-walking human.
Man: Video games and social media have made me addicted to artificial success. But here in the real world, I do not receive the recognition I so crave.
Dilbert: That's because all you do is play video games and use social media.
Man: See? I'm getting nothing.
Man: My career goal is to have a job with greater recognition, autonomy, and a sense of purpose.
Boss: We'll miss you.
Man: I was hoping to get that stuff here.
Boss: We're more about thankless tasks.
Man: Hi. I'm very smart, but I don't know how to do anything.
Dilbert: Where did you get your PH.D.?
Man: I didn't say I have a PH.D.
Dilbert: You kinda did.
Tina: Sometimes it seems as if you don't like me.
Dilbert: Don't be ridiculous. I'm just an introvert. Being around people drains my energy. I only avoid you because spending five minutes with you feels like being buried alive. With fleas instead of dirt.
Tina: So...it isn't personal?
Dilbert: I need a nap.
Boss: It's been six months now and you still haven't fixed our server issue.
Dilbert: I didn't know we had a server issue.
Boss: That's no excuse.
Dilbert: Actually, it's kind of a good excuse.
Boss: Now you're making excuses for your excuses!
Man: Wow, that's a great idea. Let's just do that! LOL!
Dilbert: I've noticed that you are nothing but an empty vessel for transporting sarcasm.
Man: Oooh! I'm such an empty vessel! LOL!
Dilbert: I don't know what to do with all of this.
Boss: I hired a millennial who was raised by smartphones. He won't make eye contact, and we don't expect him to ever mate.
Dilbert: Can he speak?
Boss: Yes, but only with sarcasm.
