Add Person Comic Strips - Page 35
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359 Results for Add Person
View 341 - 350 results for add person comic strips. Discover the best "Add Person" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday October 28,
2019
Business Agility Influencer
Tags #office workers, #business, #agility, #solution, #meaningless, #useless
Transcript
ted: hi, i'm a business agility influencer and solutionist wally: i don't think that means anything ted: why are you the first person to spot that? wally: because i'm useless too!
Wednesday November 13,
2019
Not Humanly Possible
Tags #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #budget, #workflow, #procedure, #impossible, #useful
Transcript
boss: i can't approve your budget because you didn't follow the seventeen-step workflow procedure. dilbert: it is not humanly possible to follow the company workflow procedure and also accomplish anything useful. boss: would it help if i add a few steps? dilbert: yes, if you have to go back to your office to do it.
Thursday December 19,
2019
Not Fair
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #work from home, #fairness, #power
Transcript
tina: i hear we are not allowed to work from home because it doesn't satisfy your sick need to wield power over us in person. boss: that's not fair. tina: is it accurate? boss: let's stick with "not fair."
Monday February 24,
2020
Work Harder Than Others
Tags #motivation, #business, #employees, #managers, #work, #success
Transcript
boss: the only way to succeed in this company is by working harder than everyone else. alice: wouldn't that mean only one person in the company can be successful? boss: i might need to rethink my motivational messages. dilbert: maybe save those for your dumber employees.
Friday March 06,
2020
Judging By Looks
Tags #business, #interview, #manager, #judge, #offensive, #social media, #nonesense
Transcript
boss: i'd like to offer you a job, but ten years ago you said something offensive on social media. interviewee: i'm not the same person i was ten years ago. you are judging me by the actions of someone who literally no longer exists. boss: i get your point, but if i go back to the old way of judging people by their looks, we still end up in the same place.
Thursday March 26,
2020
Ted Talks Make You Smarter
Tags #business, #moron, #new hire, #smart, #ted talk, #binge-watch
Transcript
new hire: i used to be a moron, but then i binge-watched seventeen ted talks on youtube. now i'm the smartest person in the room. wally: should we do something about this? dilbert: i don't know. i've only watched six ted talks.
Wednesday April 01,
2020
Goggles Remove Humans
Tags #business, #technology, #goggles, #human, #scenery, #alone, #noise canceling, #headphones, #interaction, #mega, #dork
Transcript
dilbert: i invented goggles that remove humans from the scenery, so one can enjoy being alone. add noice canceling headphones, and you'll never again have to experience the horror of human interaction. alice: you freakin' megadork. dilbert holding arms out: mmmm, bliss.
Saturday September 05,
2020
Lifetime Of Being Wrong
Tags #business, #office workers, #wrong, #decision, #career, #assess, #life, #sarcasm, #face mask
Transcript
dilbert: i think you're wrong. co-worker: what error did i make? dilbert: i'm basing my decision on your entire career of being wrong about everything. i hope i'm not the first person to point that out. co-worker: give a minute to reassess my entire life.
Sunday December 13,
2020
Assigning Dilbert To Project
Tags #business, #technology, #network, #redesign, #project, #phase, #positive, #optimistic, #assign, #sarcasm
Transcript
boss: dilbert, i'm assigning you to the network redesign project. dilbert: what phase is that project in? is it in the initial stage, in which everyone is feeling positive and optimistic? or is it in the middle phase, in which everyone is finding away and hating the other team members? boss: it's in the death spiral phase. everyone is trying to assign blame to someone they already hate. they requested that i add you to the team. dilbert: to save the project? boss: um...okay, sure.
Wednesday December 23,
2020
No Makeup On Zoom
Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #zoom, #call, #voice only, #makeup, #hermit, #fedex
Transcript
dilbert communicating with another person on cell phone. voice from phone: can we set up a zoom call later today? sound: tap tap tap i prefer a voice-only call because i'm not wearing makeup at home. how hideous do you look without makeup? i'm not sure, but fedex asked me to stop answering the door in person.