Employee Comic Strips - Page 35
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Character
515 Results for Employee
View 341 - 350 results for employee comic strips. Discover the best "Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday August 18,
2012
Tags eupemisims, excretaed, jargon, rebalancing, streamlining, excreted
Transcript
Employee: Just give it to me straight. Skip all of your jargon and euphemisms. Don't tell me you're rebalancing or offboarding or streamlining. Just talk to me the way you'd talk to your spouse. Boss: Consider yourself excreted. Employee: Well, now I see why you use euphemisms.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday December 04,
2012
Tags managers & supervisors, millennial employee, bureacracy, poor communication, task force, regular updates, business
Transcript
Boss: Our millennial employees keep quitting because of our bureaucracy and poor communication. CEO: Form three task forces to look into it. But don't tell any of the task forces that there are two others doing the same thing. Boss: Should I give you regular updates? CEO: Nah.
Friday December 07,
2012
Tags jewelry, rich people, expensive watch, entire net worth, ceo, employee
Transcript
Asok: Holy moly! Your watch costs more than my entire net worth. CEO: Thank you. Asok: This isn't a "thank you" situation. CEO: You're welcome?
Saturday February 16,
2013
Tags ignorance (knowledge), managers & supervisors, values, don't run with scissors, ask for raises, employee values, business
Transcript
CEO: Experts say we need to empower employees with "values." So I guess we need some values, whatever the heck those are. Boss: I think it's like "Don't run with scissors." CEO: Let's start with that and see if they stop asking for raises.
Monday January 07,
2008
Tags mole hired, boss, sneak, mole as mole, people think, gas bag, bad press, bad thoughts, worthless, self important
Transcript
The Boss: What have you learned this week working as my employee mole? Mole: Some of the people in this building think you're a worthless, self-important gas bag. The Boss: What do other people think? Mole: They don't know you."
Saturday February 23,
2008
Tags firing, humorless stain, interview boss, soul of humanity, support thesis, worship satan
Transcript
Dogbert: The Dogbert gazette is doing a story on your firing of an employee for posting a comic on the wall. I need some quotes that support my thesis of you being a humorless stain on the soul of humanity. Would you say you worship satan, or do you simply respect his nonsense approach to discipline?
Monday February 25,
2008
Tags dinosuar, law suit, no interuptions, prior employee, slapped, slapped with a suit, take off, business suit
Transcript
Bob: Im Bob the esquire dinosaur. your exemployee, wally, hired me to step you with a suit for hiring him. Take off your suit is I can slap you with it. Carol: Not now, He's being slapped with a suit and I don't want top ruin the rhythm.
Saturday March 08,
2008
Tags jesus, introduces, new employee, team leader, enjoy retirement, coffee stain
Transcript
The Boss: Wally, this is your new team leader. He spells his name like Jesus but it's pronounced Hay-Soos. If you do what Jesus would do, you can enjoy your retirement. Wally: I have a coffee stain that looks just like you. Jesus: I get that a lot."
Monday March 10,
2008
Tags breakroom, coffee into wine, hay-soos, jesus, miracle, new employee, special powers, hair, bald
Transcript
Pronounced Hay-soos Wally: With a name like Jesus, I can't promise I won't mock you. Foop! Jesus: baldness be gone. Wally: I'm not lazy...and I can see! Jesus: Don't spill your wine."
Thursday April 24,
2008
Tags strategic alternatives, company for sale, new corporate overlords, employment vandalism
Transcript
The Boss says, "The company has decided to explore strategic alternatives." Dilbert says, "Is that another way to say the company is for sale and we'll all be fired by our new corporate overlords?" The Boss says, "What answer will spark the least employee vandalism?"

