Office Equipment Comic Strips - Page 35

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View 341 - 350 results for office equipment comic strips. Discover the best "Office Equipment" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags real boss, prison tube, spaceship, wear shorts, quality of work, replaced by alien, boss is alien, no one knows

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Alien The Boss, with his tail wagging behind him, walks through the office thinking, "No one really suspects that the real Boss is on a prison tube on my spaceship." Asok the Intern asks, "Is it okay if I wear shorts?" Alien The Boss responds, "Sure. I only care about the quality of your work." Asok, Alice, and Dilbert eating lunch. Asok asks, "If our boss were replaced by an alien, would that be such a bad thing?" Dilbert replies, "It depends on the alien."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags management secrets, earthling, fulltime aliens, ufo, plowed into alp, sharing skills, boss and aliens

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The Boss is naked in a prison tube on an alien spacecraft. Two aliens outside the tube. One says, "Tell us your management secrets, earthling." The Boss responds, "You have too many full-time aliens flying this UFO. Downsize half of them, then roll out the ISO 9001 process." Back in the office, Dilbert and Alice listen as The Boss, who is supported by crutches and has a perplexed look on his face, finishes his story. "...But despite all of my help, they still plowed into a snow-covered alp."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, mother, buy wquipment, budget cut, navy seal, mom proud, blocks reality, doesn't hear son, Family

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Dilbert and Dilbert's Mom are in the kitchen. Dilbert says, "My boss told me to buy a bunch of equipment that we don't need." Dilbert's Mom hands Dilbert a piece of cake and a glass of milk. Dilbert says, "That way our budget won't get cut next year." Dilbert's mom says, "I'm so proud of you, son." Dilbert says, "How do you say that with a straight face?" Dilbert's mom says, "I try to imagine you as a navy seal." Dilbert's mom salutes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags schedule, vigorous wedgie, boss

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The boss sits at his desk. The boss reads his organizer. The boss thinks, "Let's see what's on my schedule today." The boss reads, "Give vigorous wedgie to myself." The boss raises his eyebrows. Dilbert and Wally look into the boss's office. An "Ow!" can be heard. Wally says, "You right - he WILL do whatever is on his schedule." Dilbert says, "Vigorously?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, drivers license, ed les mann, edward mann, headless man, name, new hire, office

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Wally and Alice stand with the headless man. Alice looks at his wallet. Alice says, "According to his driver's license, the new guy's name is Edward Mann." Wally says, "Is his middle name Lester?" Alice says, "How did you know that?" Wally says, "What we have here is an Ed Les Mann."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags barger, closed dorr, curse, intense enrgy, new hire, not a knocker, pushes

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Tina charges down the hallway pushing people out of her way. Tina says, "Get out of my way, weaklings!" Tina stands in front of the boss' closed door. Tina screams, "This closed door can't stop me! I'll curse it off its #%@!! hinges!" Ann stands on top of the boss's door which has fallen into the Boss's office. There is a person flattened beneath it. The boss looks shocked. The Boss says, "You could have knocked." Ann says, "I'm a barger, not a knocker."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new employee, new engineer, sarcasm, shows around, telephone, cubicle, hallway, every foot staep, bad points, office tour, crazy, bad conditions, employement

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The Boss: "Laurie's our new engineer. Show her the ropes, Dilbert." "I meant figuratively." Dilbert: "This is your anti-productivity pod." "It's equipped with a little device that rings anytime you try to concentrate." "The top is open so none of the background noise is inadvertently muffled." "And you're on the main aisle, so you'll be haunted every minute by footsteps behind you. Step...step...step." The Boss: "We need to talk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags personal uses, office fax, boss hassles dilberet, fax paper, phone lines, electricity, sent some over, dilbert busts boss, busts boss

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"It has come to my attention that you used the fax for personal business." "I sent the fax during lunch. It was a local call." "You're using up all of our fax paper." "No, I sent a fax. The paper doesn't travel through the phone lines." "It doesn't?" "You used the company's electricity." "I had a friend fax us a wad of extra electricity." "I'm using it right now to power my pc." "Did you get any extra electricity? My pc is out." "Press the button on the back and I'll fax you some."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dogbert teaches math, cut staff, bonus worth, expense requiremnets, calculated, budget, multiply by one, doctor, flashlight, projections come from, medical

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The caption says, "Dogbert teaches business math." Dogbert points to a diagram of an equation. A picture of Wally, Dilbert and Alice illustrates the equation, "Grunts equals zero." The caption says, "#1. Any job that can be done by two people . . ." The Boss stands behind two people. The caption continues, ". . . Can be done by one person for half the cost." The Boss yanks one of the workers out of his chair. The caption says, "#2. A bonus today is worth more than . . ." The Boss holds a large bag of money. The caption continues, ". . . The whole company tomorrow." An office building has a closed sign on it. The caption says, "#3. Your expense requirements for December can be calculated . . ." The Boss sits at his desk writing on a piece of paper. The caption continues, ". . . By taking what's left in the budget and multiplying by one." A delivery person asks the Boss, "Giraffe goes where?" Dogbert says, "Next week, a doctor with a flashlight shows us where sales projections come from."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags open door policy, new vp, drop in, last vp was aloof, sourballs, furniture, cubicles are hot, huge insincere spider

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Wally stands behind him and says, "Our new VP says he has an 'open door policy.' Let's check it out." Wally and Dilbert peer into the VP's office. Dilbert says, "Knock knock." Dilbert says, "Hi ho. Nothing important. We just wanted to drop in." The VP sits at his desk reading a document. Wally says, "This open door policy is great. Our last VP was aloof." Dilbert asks, "Are those sourballs?" Wally says, "Look at the furniture in here!" Dilbert stuffs candy into his mouth and says, "I call couch!" The VP asks, "Is there something I can do for you?" Dilbert lies on a couch and says, "Well . . . Sometimes our cubicles are too hot." Wally sits in a chair and adds, "Could you have somebody look into it?" Dilbert and Wally leave the office looking frightened. Dilbert says, "Boy, those sourballs sure lull you into a false sense of security." Wally says, "The man is like a huge insincere spider."