Shake Hands Comic Strips - Page 35
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499 Results for Shake Hands
View 341 - 350 results for shake hands comic strips. Discover the best "Shake Hands" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday January 31,
2000
Tags 20% more money, hire someone, loyal, 40% more, science, mime, wall blocks
Transcript
Dilbert is in the boss's office and he says to the boss: "Another company offered me twenty percent more. Will you match it? The boss answers: "No, I prefer to hire someone who is loyal, even if I have to pay forty percent more." Dilbert shakes his hands looking angry and says: "Managing is supposed to be a science!" The boss holds up his hands in front of him and says: "My mime wall blocks your sound."
Thursday March 30,
2000
Tags bad assumptions, analysis, applied flawed logic, predetermined answer, disillusioning, pie chart, science
Transcript
Dilbert tells the Boss as he hands him a document: "I did the analysis using your bad assumptions." He continues as the Boss examines the document: "Then I applied your flawed logic and arrived at your predetermined answer." Dilbert asks the Boss: "Shall I begin disillusioning the team?" The Boss says about the document: "This needs a pie chart."
Friday March 31,
2000
Tags dumpster service, save money, discovered alternative costs, tear off piece
Transcript
At a meeting, the Boss announces: "I cancelled our dumpster service to save money." He continues: "I discovered an alternative that costs nothing." He tells everyone as he hands them a sheet of paper: "Everyone tear off a piece and put it in your pocket."
Wednesday April 12,
2000
Tags enlightenment, technology buddha, vanilla ice cream bowl, very wise, busy meditating
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert while sitting at his desk, "Take this to the technology Buddha for enlightenment." Dilbert thinks to himself upon entering the Buddha's office and seeing him with his eyes closed and both hands on the desk, "He's busy meditating." Dilbert goes and stands next to the Buddha's chair all the while thinking to himself, "He must be very wise." The Buddha thinks to himself with both eyes shut, "Huge bowl of vanilla ice cream."
Thursday April 13,
2000
Tags technology buddha, enlightened, eat a lot, tell people ideas, shoe scrape
Transcript
Dilbert asks the Buddha, "How did you become so enlightened?" The Buddha replies, both eyes still closed "I just eat a lot and tell people their ideas stink." The Buddha looks at the paper Dilbert hands him and asks sarcastically, "Whose shoe did you scrape this off of?
Monday April 24,
2000
Tags project plan, without input, lied to me, skipped that step, already assigned blame, for failure
Transcript
Dilbert and Alice are seated together at a table when the Boss walks up and hands Dilbert a piece of paper. He says to Dilbert, "I finished the project plan without your input." As Dilbert reads the paper, the Boss goes on to say, "You would have lied to me anyway, so I just skipped that step." The Boss sits at the table with Dilbert and Alice and says, "I've already assigned blame for failure, but don't worry, it's just preliminary."
Saturday July 29,
2000
Tags computer screen, fuzzy, fiddling, stop working, flu season, clean screen, handkerchief
Transcript
The Boss calls to Dilbert as he stands in the doorway of his office. "Thanks to you, my computer screen is all fuzzy now!" Dilbert continues walking, wondering to himself what the Boss was talking about. The Boss is irritated with Dilbert and with both arms raised he says, "You're always fiddling with something that makes something else stop working." Dilbert replies, "Don't clean your screen with your handkerchief during flu season." The Boss answers with both hands on his hips, "Stop changing the subject."
Thursday August 17,
2000
Tags salary, 115%, mid point, supervisors package, no peeking, money
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Your salary is 115% of the midpoint for your range. Isn't that exciting?" Dilbert replies, "Why don't you say it's 115% below the top of the range which can never be achieved under our system?" The Boss answers with both hands covering the paper on his desk, "No peeking at the supervisor's page."
Thursday November 16,
2000
Tags alice, hand, head, new temp, new temp likes, shakes hand on head
Transcript
New Temp: Its a pleasure to meet you Alice. OOWEE!! That was a good hand shake.
Wednesday November 22,
2000
Tags working for tips, rfp, spec binder
Transcript
Holding a binder in his hands, Wally thinks, "I hate working for tips." A female employee says, "No, I ordered the R.F.P." Wally says to the employee, "Maybe you were thinking R.F.P. but you said spec binder, you arrogant cow!" The employee grimaces as she holds the binder and Wally thinks, "With any luck, she'll say, 'You had me at cow'."

