2008 Comic Strips - Page 35
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Character
Saturday December 06,
2008
Tags economy, sarcasm, smart, twice as smart, survive economy, spontaneously developing, high iq, pep talk, worked in marketing, see future
Transcript
The boss: We need to be twice as smart to survive this economy. Dilbert: Good plan. I look forward to spontaneously developing an I.Q. of 400. The boss: This pep talk totally worked in marketing. Dilbert: Will I be able to see the future?
Sunday December 07,
2008
Tags computer, defense, security, workstation, logged in, netowrk, teach someone a lesson, activating defensive wedgie system, violated perimeter, technology
Transcript
The boss: This workstation is still logged in to the network. It's time to teach someone a lesson about security. I'll just go in here and... Computer: WARNING! WARNING! IDIOT ALERT! The boss: GAAA! Computer: ACTIVATING DEFENSIVE WEDGIE SYSTEM.Dilbert: I have to go. Some idiot violated my perimeter. The boss: Please make it stop. Dilbert: Then how would you learn?
Monday December 08,
2008
Tags computer, hacking, illegal, support, technology, diagnose computer problem, remotely, spam server, snoop files, pilfer bank act.
Transcript
Dogbert's tech support Dogbert: May I remotely take over your computer to diagnose the problem? Now hold while I snoop into your personal filed, pilfer your bank accounts and turn your computer into a spam server. Client: THAT'S ILLEGAL! Dogbert: So are 75% of your personal files, but you don't see me getting all huffy.
Tuesday December 09,
2008
Tags job, lose my job, rate service superiro, service, successful man, survey, loose job, loose wife, business
Transcript
Mordac: You will get a survey asking you how satisfied you were with my service today. If you don't rate my service superior in all categories, I will lose my jobs and my wife will leave me for a more successful man. Dilbert: Is she cute? Mordac: Why do you ask?
Wednesday December 10,
2008
Tags elderly, old, phone, landline phones, no caller id, new technology, offered hard candy, fiddlesticks, couldn't hear
Transcript
We surveyed a thousand people who still have landline phones and no caller I.D. We asked for their opinion on our new technology. 34% said, "Fiddlesticks," and 23% couldn't hear the question. 43% thought we were in the room with them and offered us a hard candy.
Thursday December 11,
2008
Tags computer, financial, trouble, new computer, executive suite, no visitors, vacant offcies, financial troubles, old computer, vacant office, technology
Transcript
The boss: We need your new computer for the empty office in the executive suite. We don't want any visitors to see vacant offices. They might think we're having financial troubles. Dilbert: Why don't we put my old computer in the vacant office? My boss: That's crazy talk.
Friday December 12,
2008
Tags irony, meeting, ceo visits, change focus, make good prodcuts, pretending solvency, hologram, business
Transcript
The CEO visits CEO: We're going to change our focus... from pretending to make good products, to pretending to be solvent. On a related note, I've always been a hologram.
Saturday December 13,
2008
Tags Advice, bad idea, saving & investment, financial advisor, diseased livestock, sick cow, aggregate, math, savvy, education, money
Transcript
Dogbert the financial adviser Dogbert: You should invest all of your money is diseased livestock. It would be unwise to invest in one sick cow, but if you aggregate a bunch of them together the risk goes away. It's called math. The boss: Suddenly I feel all savvy.
Sunday December 14,
2008
Tags agree, disagree, idea, plan, terrible idea, worst ever idea, bordering irresponsible, disagrees with everyone, idea is awful, manipulate me, terrible tidea, dance puppet dance
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you have a minute to look t my terrible idea? It's the worst idea ever, totally impractical, and bordering on irresponsible. Ted: Why are you saying that about your own idea? Dilbert: Because you're one of those jerks who automatically disagree with everyone. I'm telling you my idea is awful so you will feel compelled to say it is great. Ted: Now that I know how you plan to manipulate me, it won't work. Dilbert: I'm so surprised to hear that you disagree. Now look at my terrible terrible idea.Dance, puppet, dance. Ted: THIS IS A GREAT IDEA!
Monday December 15,
2008
Tags boss, office workers, legacy sytems, biggest rind, compost heap, bacteria
Transcript
The boss: How would you like to be in charge of legacy systems? Dilbert: That's like being the biggest rind in the compost heap. The boss: Do it anyways. Dilbert: I surrender to the bacteria.


