2020 Comic Strips - Page 36

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Reimagine Ted's Job

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Reimagine Ted's Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boring, business, job, new, pay, projects, reimagine, technology, compensation

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boss: ted, we need to reimagine your job. ted: i hope that means you will replace the boring parts of my job with exciting new projects. boss: it doesn't mean that. boss: does it mean doing the same work for higher pay?

Ted Reimagined More

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Ted Reimagined More - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, employment, unnecessary, job, budget, sarcasm

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boss: when i say we need to reimagine your job, it means we no longer need anyone to do what you have been doing. ted: do you mind if i ask when you first realized that my job was totally unnecessary? boss: it was four years ago, but you seemed happy, and we had the budget to pay you, so...

Ted And His Laptop

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Ted And His Laptop - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, employment, fired, laptop, technology

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boss: today is your last day with the company, ted. so i need your company laptop back. ted: or else what? you'll fire me twice? boss: let's say you're not officially fired until you return the laptop. ted: and if i don't bring it back, will i never be fired? boss: um...

Motivosity Bucks

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Motivosity Bucks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, working, weekend, employment, bucks, money, motivosity

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boss: thanks for working all weekend to get the project done, dilbert. i award you two motivosity bucks. dilbert: i like real money better. boss: that just cost you two motivosity bucks.

Bad Attitude

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Bad Attitude - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, work, exceptional, complain, attitude, bad, dislike, sarcasm

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boss: your work has been exceptional, but people are complaining about your attitude. dilbert: aren't the people who are doing the complaining usually the ones with bad attitudes. boss: they think you dislike them. dilbert: i do, but i have a terrific attitude about it.

Alice Is Honest

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Alice Is Honest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, goals, quarter, unrealistic, honest

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boss: alice, you did not meet your goals this quarter. alice: that's because my goals are totally unrealistic and were created by a.moron. i hope you meant it when you said you want us to be honest with you. boss: i didn't expect you to act on it!

Tweets Do Not Represent Employer

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Tweets Do Not Represent Employer  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, employment, managers & supervisors, technology, tweet, tweets, object, smart, useful

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boss: i object to your twitter profile. it says... "my tweets are smart and useful, so obviously they do not represent my employer." Wally chocking on coffee: smorph! dilbert pointing: now see what you did to wally.

Ethics Class

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Ethics Class - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, continuing education, class, ethics, organizations, competitive, industry, disadvantage, worry

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boss: you are all required to complete a class in ethics. dilbert: wouldn't that make us the only ethical organization in our industry and create a competitive disadvantage that leads to our demise? boss: stop your worrying. the class is required, but i'm not expecting any of it to stick.

No Makeup On Zoom

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No Makeup On Zoom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, sarcasm, technology, zoom, call, voice only, makeup, hermit, fedex

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dilbert communicating with another person on cell phone. voice from phone: can we set up a zoom call later today? sound: tap tap tap i prefer a voice-only call because i'm not wearing makeup at home. how hideous do you look without makeup? i'm not sure, but fedex asked me to stop answering the door in person.

Wally Does Three Jobs

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Wally Does Three Jobs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, money, fortune, employer, employment, working from home, job, manage, expectations, people

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wally and dilbert on video conference call. wally: i'm making a fortune working from home. three different employers think i work only for them. dilbert: how do you do three jobs at the same time: wally: it comes down to managing other people's expectations.