70 Years Future Comic Strips - Page 36

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370 Results for 70 Years Future

View 351 - 360 results for 70 years future comic strips. Discover the best "70 Years Future" comics from Dilbert.com.

Lawyers Take Years

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Lawyers Take Years - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, lawyers, office, agreement, years

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team meeting in conference room. dilbert: we can close the deal as soon as our lawyers tweak a few minor sentences in the agreement. the boss: how long will that take? dilbert: probably several years. the boss: what if i help them? dilbert: add 3 years.

Wally Writes Fiction

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Wally Writes Fiction - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags budget, business, managers & supervisors

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wally: i decided to try my hand at writing fiction. i like writing fiction because it doesn't require any research. i can literally make up a story out of nothing. i feel sorry for nonfiction writers. they have to get the facts right. but a fiction writer only has to use imagination. i can make any wild assumptions about the future that i want. boss: i asked you here to talk about your budget forecast. wally: that's what i was talking about.

Time Travel By Printer

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Time Travel By Printer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, presentation, technolgy, molecular, scan, body, brain, time travel, 3d print, meeting

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dilbert giving a presentation: i invented a device that can scan your body and brain at molecular level. now you can time travel by killing yourself and leaving instructions to 3d-print you back to life in the future when the technology is able. response: where will you find anyone dumb enough to test it? dilbert: have you ever attended a meeting at this company?

Judging By Looks

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Judging By Looks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, interview, manager, judge, offensive, social media, nonesense

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boss: i'd like to offer you a job, but ten years ago you said something offensive on social media. interviewee: i'm not the same person i was ten years ago. you are judging me by the actions of someone who literally no longer exists. boss: i get your point, but if i go back to the old way of judging people by their looks, we still end up in the same place.

Two Futures

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Two Futures - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags psychology, future, brakes, cliff, die, instant

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Dogbert The Futurist dogbert: i see two potential futures for you. in one future, your brakes fail and you drive off a cliff, dying instantly upon impact. office worker: and in the other future? dogbert: it's less instant.

Platinum Level Service

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Platinum Level Service - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, forecasting, future, predict, industry, blame, sell, upsell, platinum

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boss: i hired you to predict the future, of our industry, but everything you say makes me sad. dogbert: don't blame me. i only predict the future. i don't make the future. unless you buy my special platinum level service. boss: nice upsell.

Loving Yourself

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Loving Yourself  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, office workers, philosophy, self love, evil, ignorant, selfish, lazy, love

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boss: philosophers say loving yourself is the greatest love of all. carol: do philosophers really say that? boss: all the good ones do. after years of trying, i have finally learned to love myself. carol: i'm no philosopher, but instead of learning to love yourself the way you are... wouldn't it be better if you learned how to stop being an evil, ignorant, selfish piece of garbage. boss: that sounds a lot harder. carol: in other words, you are lazy. boss: i love that about me!

Should Have Done It Sooner

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Should Have Done It Sooner - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, dollars, failure, managers & supervisors, patch, payroll, problem, raise, savings, software, technology, years

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dilbert: i wrote a software patch that will save three million dollars per year. i feel as if i deserve a bonus or a raise. boss: when did you do it? dilbert: this week. boss: how long did we have the problem? dilbert: five years. boss: then you should have fixed it five years ago. looks like a gigantic failure to me. you should be ashamed of yourself. in another room catbert: did you try my strategy for keeping payroll expenses low? boss: works like magic.

No Raise In Years

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No Raise In Years   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, job, raise, nine, years, face mask, employment

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office worker: i've been working here for nine years, and you haven't given me a single raise! boss: i didn't even know you worked for me. obviously, you didn't do anything useful, or i would have noticed. office worker: well, in that case, i'm glad i didn't give my name.

Dilbert Tells The Odds

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Dilbert Tells The Odds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, decision, estimate, managers & supervisors, miscommunication, odds, technology, wrong

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dilbert: i estimate odds at a 70% chance things go well, and a 30% chance we lose money on the deal. boss: if we lose money, will you admit you were wrong? dilbert: how could i be wrong? i'm just telling you the odds. boss: if we lose money, that's on you for recommending it. dilbert: um...no. i'm telling you the odds and letting you decide. boss: but you're the one saying this is such a great deal. dilbert upsetting and yelling forcing face mask off his face: i'm only telling you the odds, you pea-brained ignoramus!!! boss: so, you won't admit you were wrong? dilbert's face mask is over his eyes.