Goat Head Comic Strips - Page 36

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View 351 - 360 results for goat head comic strips. Discover the best "Goat Head" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags master of delegation, footsteps, third thing, valuable time, vendor, two minute call, Funny, conversation

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The Boss is hiding behind a doorway as Dilbert walks toward him. The Boss thinks, "The Master of Delegation hears the footsteps of his prey." Sticking his head out the door, The Boss says, "Hi." A startled Dilbert exclaims, "Gaaa!!" The Boss says to Dilbert, "Call this vendor and tell him I want the third thing he told me about." Dilbert says to The Boss, "Okay. That will save two minutes of your valuable time." Dilbert says, "When the vendor asks me dozens of questions should I just guess at the answers?" Dilbert asks The Boss, "Or would you prefer to spend an hour giving me enough background so you can avoid a two-minute call?" Dilbert says, "You know what's funny? This conversation lasted a minute... And there are two of us." The Boss asks, "Are you done?" Dilbert says, "I think you wrote down your own phone number."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags germs, safe from germs, alice, sneeze, blows up, germ safety device

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An under-the-weather Alice sits at her computer. Wally is wearing a protective head covering that looks like a large gas mask. Wally says, "I'm safe from your germs, Alice. You can sneeze all you want." Alice pulls the cap off the hose to Wally's gas mask as she begins to sneeze with a large sound of, "Aah..." Alice completes her sneeze into the hose of Wally's gas mask. Wally's head covering blows up like a huge balloon.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dot com ceo, no profit, laid off, laid off means, compliment, baby bottle, youngsters, meeting, firing people, business

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DILBERT: DOT-COM CEO: Dilbert sits at the head of a table and children sit in seats around the table. One of the children has a baby bottle at his place. Dilbert says, "We have no profit now and we never will. You're all laid off." The child with the baby bottle asks, "Does anyone know what laid off means?" A young man says, "It must be a compliment." The young man says to Dilbert, "You're pretty laid off yourself, dude." The child offers his baby bottle to Dilbert and says, "Want a hit of this?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags approval, marketing, pathetic plan, knowing plans, interest, smite enemies, cloud of doom, sales projections, business

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Handing Dilbert a piece of paper, The Boss says, "Get approval from marketing." Dilbert walks away carrying the paper and followed by a little cloud which says, "Doom." The Marketing man, sitting at his desk, has devil's horns on his head. The marketing man says, "I reject your pathetic plan." Showing the piece of paper, Dilbert asks, "Do you have any interest in knowing what the plan is?" The little cloud that says, "Doom," continues hovering near Dilbert's head. The marketing man says, "Not unless you're proposing to smite my enemies." Dilbert says, "I prefer to call them customers. And yes, they'll take it in the shorts." The little cloud that says, "Doom," continues hovering near Dilbert's head. Dilbert says, "As an added inducement I will give you this cool little Cloud of Doom. The little cloud that says, "Doom," continues hovering near Dilbert's head. The marketing man says to the Cloud of Doom, "I'm going to staple you to my sales projections." The little cloud that says, "Doom," is now hovering near the marketing man's head.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags can't crush spirit, work in box, cubicle, demoralize, 2 jobs, coordinator died, died of boredom, quality assurance guys

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Dilbert sits at his computer and thinks, "They can make me work in a little box, but they can't crush my spirit." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Our ISO 9000 Coordinator died of boredom. You'll have to do his job plus yours." Dilbert's head sinks to his chest as The Boss says, "And one of the Quality Assurance guys is looking pale..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags own cubicle, highschool reunion, adults, more specific

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HIGH SCHOOL REUNION: Talking to a woman at his high school reunion, Dilbert says, "I started with nothing. Now I have my own cubicle." Dilbert says to the woman, "Say, now that we're both adults, would you like to... You know?" The woman says, "Yes." People at the high school reunion stare at Dilbert, who has his underwear pulled up over the back of his head. Dilbert thinks, "I've got to be more specific."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags most valuable asset, rampant ignorance, really cost, better jobs, across the street, don't know bugs, wearing trash cans, accidental exposure, consultant, business

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Dogbert is sitting at a conference table across from Dilbert and Alice and flanked by the boss and Wally. Dogbert says, "What is your most valuable asset?" Wally says, "Employees?" The boss stifles a laugh "Hee" Dogbert says, "Your most valuable asset is rampant ignorance." Dogbert continues, "For example, you would never start a project if you knw how much it would really cost." Turning to Wally, Dogbert says, "Employees stay here because they don't know there are better jobs across the street." Wally says, "What?" Turning to the boss, Dogbert says, "Customers buy your products because they don't know about all the bugs." The boss says, "Good point." Holding a trashcan, Dogbert says, "I recommend wearing trash cans on your heads to avoid any accidental exposure to knowledge." An employee, wearing a trashcan over his head, says, "Did he tell you he was a consultant?" Another trashcanned employee says, "He said he was selling trash cans."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags call center jobs, angry people, telephone headset, near mouths, operator, faulty mic, ignore problem

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Catbert sits between Dilbert and the Boss with a piece of paper in front of him. He announces, "There aren't enough friendly people to fill our call center jobs." Catbert turns to the Boss and explains, "All we can find are angry people who refuse to put their telephone headset mircrophones near their mouths." A call center operator, with her telephone headset microphone turned completely away from her head, says, "No, I'm sure the problem is on your end."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags terrific conversationalit, write code, while you complain, embraced, date, end of date, kiss good night, hug, mean things, said

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Dilbert is dropping his date off after a date. She says, "Thanks for taking me to dinner. You're a terrific conversationalist." Noriko and Dilbert embrace as Dilbert says, "With you, it's easy." They are about to kiss when Dilbert continues, "I discovered that I can write code in my head as you complain about your job all night."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags behind the door, busy aisel, counsel, counseling, cubicle, jittery, jumpy, looking over shoulder, most instinct, near doorway, realx, zombie

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The Boss brings an employee into Catbert. The employee is bug-eyed and nervous looking. The Boss says, "This is Jittery Jeff. He needs counseling." The Boss continues as Jittery Jeff whips his head around, "I put him in a cubicle at the end of a busy aisle near a doorway." The Boss tells Catbert, "Now he's jittery because he thinks people are always looking over his shoulder." Catbert stands on the desk and says, "Leave him here. I'll counsel him up." Jittery Jeff sits down but continues to whip his head around. Catbert says, "Relax Jittery Jeff...It's okay now." Jeff begins to calm down as Catbert repeats, "Relax, relax, relax, relax." Suddenly, Catbert screams, "AAAGH!! Someone is behind the door!!" Jittery Jeff jumps up. Jittery Jeff lays slumped in his chair with his tongue hanging out of his mouth. Catbert tells the Boss, "Counseling is mostly instinct."