Help Comic Strips - Page 36

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424 Results for Help

View 351 - 360 results for help comic strips. Discover the best "Help" comics from Dilbert.com.

Asok Learns To Rank Priorities

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Asok Learns To Rank Priorities - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #priorities, #Advice, #hate, #misanthrope, #misanthropy, #organization

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Asok: I'm overworked because I don't know how to set priorities. Alice: Try ranking your tasks by how much you hate the people who asked for your help. Asok: What if I don't hate anyone? Alice: That problem solves itself over time.

Boss Buys Software Without Help

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Boss Buys Software Without Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad advice, #Advice, #sales, #lying, #deception, #business

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Boss: I bought new software for our network. Dilbert: Who helped you on the technical side? Boss: The vendor. He said our current software uses the wrong kind of electricity.

Bribing Wally

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Bribing Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bribe, #morals, #laziness, #work ethic

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Wally: I don't have time to help. Coworker: What if I bribe you to do your job? I am literally offering to give you my personal money to do the job your employer pays you to do. Wally: Are you willing to turn a blind eye to my total lack of effort, or should I find a better briber?

Trust Your First Instinct

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Trust Your First Instinct - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bribe, #bribery, #laziness, #work ethic

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Boss: People are telling me you are accepting bribes to help co-workers on projects. Wally: You think I'm helping my co-workers? Boss: Good point. That part didn't sound right. Wally: Trust your first instinct.

Dilbert Creates An Artificial Soul

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Dilbert Creates An Artificial Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conscience, #technology, #morals, #morality, #guidance, #Religion

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Dilbert: I invented an artificial soul to help non-believers act morally. It's a small drone that follows you around and reminds you not to be a jerk. Wally: Did it forget to remind you today? Dilbert: My drone says I shouldn't slap you.

Don't Escalate

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Don't Escalate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #laziness, #challenge, #help

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Dilbert: I need to escalate an issue to you. Boss: No. Get it away from me. I don't like issues. Especially the hard ones. Dilbert: Thank you for all the nothing. Boss: Shoo! Go!

Dogber Pr Firm Helps With Phones

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Dogber Pr Firm Helps With Phones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #safety, #product, #pr, #public relations, #battery, #samsung, #explosion, #danger

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Boss: We hired The Dogbert Public Relations Firm to help us with our exploding phone problem. Dogbert: We have two choices. We can either recall all of the phones, or we can convince people that having one ear is cool. Boss: Recalls are expensive. Dogbert: Okay, the Van Gogh strategy it is.

Wally's Red File Gets Him Out Of Work

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Wally's Red File Gets Him Out Of Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #ruse, #work ethic, #deception, #excuse

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Wally: I'd love to help you, but I'm busy working on the red file. Woman: Is the red file a real thing or just a thing you say to get out of work? Wally: It's all the same on your end.

Asok Should Not Brag

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Asok Should Not Brag - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #design, #bragging, #credit, #attention

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Asok: I did a great job on this design. Wally: Whoa! Whoa! No one likes a braggart. Keep your boasting to yourself. Boss: Didn't Asok help you with this design? Wally: Asok? Never heard of him.

Alice Helps Asok With Slides

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Alice Helps Asok With Slides  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presentation, #public speaking, #powerpoint, #slide, #Advice, #speech

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Asok: Can you help me edit my slides for my CEO presentation? I have 75 slides and ten minutes to present. Alice: Get rid of 74 of them. Asok: I'll ask someone else.