Arms Out Comic Strips - Page 36

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View 351 - 360 results for arms out comic strips. Discover the best "Arms Out" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, discussion, internet & world wide web, humor consultant, have more fun, internet access to entertainment, funny comment

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Boss: I hired a humor consultant to teach us how to have more fun at work. Dilbert: Does he cancel out the consultant you hired to filter our Internet access to entertainment? Wally: That was a funny comment. How'd you do that without a consultant?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags debates, discussion, researching every state, engineer, solemn duty, stamp out ignorance, real thing, googled it, engineering

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Woman: Please stop researching every statement I make. Dilbert: I can't. As an engineer, it is my solemn duty to stamp out ignorance. Woman: That's not a real thing. Dilbert: See for yourself. I just Googled it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags despair, meetings, six variables, 4 imbeciles, brilliant engineer, complexity algorithm, rational deciosn, brilliant career

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Dilbert: Okay, this next decision involves six variables, four imbeciles, and one brilliant engineer. According to the Dogbert complexity algorithm, it is impossible to make a rational decision in this situation. All in favor of giving up? Boss: I found out I'm a brilliant engineer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, office workers, worked at home, work tonight, leaving early, work late, business

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Boss: Leaving early? Dilbert: If you count the two hours I worked at home when I woke up, and the two hours I'll work tonight you'll come out way ahead today. Boss: How will I come out if you do all of that plus work late here?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags angry rich guy, buy small companies, mergers & acquisitions, obscenely profitable, prosperity, suck good will, universally despised

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CEO: Our company is obscenely profitable but universally despised. Our plan is to buy a smaller and more popular company, take their name, and suck out their goodwill like a monkey on an orange. Please welcome their founder, Bradley. He's the angriest rich guy you'll ever meet.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computers & peripherals, gadgets, hardware, robotic arms, hold coffee cups, industry changing products

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Wally: One percent of engineers create all of the industry - changing products. I propose replacing the other 99% with robotic arms that hold coffee cups. You won't see any of the laggards in the 99% come up with great ideas like this one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anxiety, stress, burned out, gray hair, don't handle stress

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Man: I'm burned out by this job. Is that a gray hair? Dilbert: Have we met? Man: I started yesterday. I don't handle stress well.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags commerce, competition (psychology), hate new product, customers, fake revenue projections, engineer, stronger company, engineering

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Dilbert: If consumers hate our new product, we will probably go out of business. If they love our new product, a stronger company will enter the space and drive us out of business. CEO: Tell the engineer to stop making me sad. Boss: I have some fake revenue projections to cheer you up.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, language, positive feel, power cables, insulated

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Boss: Avoid saying "unfortunately" when you talk to customers. Say instead, "as it turns out." That has a more positive feel. Dilbert: As it turns out, our power cables aren't as insulated as we had hoped.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags keep brain out, laziness, long and complicated, technical recommendation, thinking, make decision

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Dilbert: Did you read my technical recommendation? Boss: No. It's too long and complicated. Dilbert: How do you plan to make a decision without reading it? Boss: I'll use my gut. Dilbert: It's probably a good idea to keep your brain out of this. Boss: Quiet! It's saying something. Noise: GROWL.