Arms Out Comic Strips - Page 36
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Character
1000 Results for Arms Out
View 351 - 360 results for arms out comic strips. Discover the best "Arms Out" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday November 02,
2011
Tags conversation, discussion, internet & world wide web, humor consultant, have more fun, internet access to entertainment, funny comment
Transcript
Boss: I hired a humor consultant to teach us how to have more fun at work. Dilbert: Does he cancel out the consultant you hired to filter our Internet access to entertainment? Wally: That was a funny comment. How'd you do that without a consultant?
Friday October 14,
2011
Tags debates, discussion, researching every state, engineer, solemn duty, stamp out ignorance, real thing, googled it, engineering
Transcript
Woman: Please stop researching every statement I make. Dilbert: I can't. As an engineer, it is my solemn duty to stamp out ignorance. Woman: That's not a real thing. Dilbert: See for yourself. I just Googled it.
Thursday October 13,
2011
Tags despair, meetings, six variables, 4 imbeciles, brilliant engineer, complexity algorithm, rational deciosn, brilliant career
Transcript
Dilbert: Okay, this next decision involves six variables, four imbeciles, and one brilliant engineer. According to the Dogbert complexity algorithm, it is impossible to make a rational decision in this situation. All in favor of giving up? Boss: I found out I'm a brilliant engineer.
Wednesday October 12,
2011
Tags employees, office workers, worked at home, work tonight, leaving early, work late, business
Transcript
Boss: Leaving early? Dilbert: If you count the two hours I worked at home when I woke up, and the two hours I'll work tonight you'll come out way ahead today. Boss: How will I come out if you do all of that plus work late here?
Tuesday October 11,
2011
Tags angry rich guy, buy small companies, mergers & acquisitions, obscenely profitable, prosperity, suck good will, universally despised
Transcript
CEO: Our company is obscenely profitable but universally despised. Our plan is to buy a smaller and more popular company, take their name, and suck out their goodwill like a monkey on an orange. Please welcome their founder, Bradley. He's the angriest rich guy you'll ever meet.
Thursday October 06,
2011
Tags computers & peripherals, gadgets, hardware, robotic arms, hold coffee cups, industry changing products
Transcript
Wally: One percent of engineers create all of the industry - changing products. I propose replacing the other 99% with robotic arms that hold coffee cups. You won't see any of the laggards in the 99% come up with great ideas like this one.
Saturday September 24,
2011
Tags anxiety, stress, burned out, gray hair, don't handle stress
Transcript
Man: I'm burned out by this job. Is that a gray hair? Dilbert: Have we met? Man: I started yesterday. I don't handle stress well.
Saturday September 17,
2011
Tags commerce, competition (psychology), hate new product, customers, fake revenue projections, engineer, stronger company, engineering
Transcript
Dilbert: If consumers hate our new product, we will probably go out of business. If they love our new product, a stronger company will enter the space and drive us out of business. CEO: Tell the engineer to stop making me sad. Boss: I have some fake revenue projections to cheer you up.
Friday September 16,
2011
Tags conversation, language, positive feel, power cables, insulated
Transcript
Boss: Avoid saying "unfortunately" when you talk to customers. Say instead, "as it turns out." That has a more positive feel. Dilbert: As it turns out, our power cables aren't as insulated as we had hoped.
Friday September 09,
2011
Tags keep brain out, laziness, long and complicated, technical recommendation, thinking, make decision
Transcript
Dilbert: Did you read my technical recommendation? Boss: No. It's too long and complicated. Dilbert: How do you plan to make a decision without reading it? Boss: I'll use my gut. Dilbert: It's probably a good idea to keep your brain out of this. Boss: Quiet! It's saying something. Noise: GROWL.

