Dogbert Comic Strips - Page 36

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1000 Results for Dogbert

View 351 - 360 results for dogbert comic strips. Discover the best "Dogbert" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags prosperity, saving & investment, portfolio, standard industry, investing, billion dollars, index funds, money

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Dogbert: I'll manage your portfolio for a standard industry fee of 1% per year. Wally: I'm investing a billion dollars. Your fee would be $10 million per year. Dogbert: Those index funds aren't going to pick themselves.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags suspicion, thinking, new information, project scope, anticipate, think

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Dilbert: Based on this new information, you'll want to change our project scope. Boss: I don't do that. Dilbert: What? Think? Today I learned it's better if I don't try to guess what people mean.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anminals, greed and corruption, money, pay to protest, peaceful protest, permit, protest movements, rebellions, to protest

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Ratbert: I'm staging a peaceful protest against your greed and corruption. Dogbert: Do you have a permit to protest here? Ratbert: No. How much do they cost? I'm winning this, right?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rebellions, riots, violence, rebel army, social justice, iron fisted dictator, billionaire, stain, tank tread, looting, excited animals

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Dogbert: I'm forming a rebel army. Ratbert: Count me in! What are we fighting for? Dogbert: You'll be fighting for social justice and I'll be scheming to become an iron-fisted dictator. In the long run, I'll be a billionaire and you'll be a stain on a tank tread. Ratbert: Please, please say there will be looting.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags tv news, financial report, tv show, cable news show, Dogbert, gold fillings, remove your own

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News anchor: My next guest on money - n- stuff is Dogbert the doomsday pundit, DOgbert: Goldman Sachs is forming a Hobo army to take over the world. Start hoarding anything with a pointy end. DOW 975 DOgbert: Hobo army coming. News Anchor: after the break, learn how to remove your own gold fillings,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags embarrassment, obliviousness, hired consultant, less confident, overconfident people, don't recognize mistakes, didn't know studies, feel like idiot

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Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to be less confident. Dilbert: Is that because research has shown that overconfident people don't recognize their own mistakes? Boss: Now I feel like an idiot because I didn't know about those studies. Dogbert: I did him first.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, meetings, succession plan, awesome and charismatic, replace you, bag of moss

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CEO: We need a succession plan. I'm so awesome and charismatic that the company would be in trouble if I were to leave. Alice: I wouldn't worry about it. It's not as if you invented anything. We could replace you with a bag of moss. Dilbert: He got quiet. Alice: See? Moss can totally do that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags crimes, criminals, elbonian, minister of commerce, leave no eveidence, connects crime, bribe him, kill him

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CEO: I need you to bribe an Elbonian minister of commerce and leave no evidence that connects the crime to our company. Dogbert: The only way to do that is to bribe him and kill him at the same time. CEO: I did not think this through. Dogbert: And obviously I'll need to do you first.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags despair, meetings, six variables, 4 imbeciles, brilliant engineer, complexity algorithm, rational deciosn, brilliant career

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Dilbert: Okay, this next decision involves six variables, four imbeciles, and one brilliant engineer. According to the Dogbert complexity algorithm, it is impossible to make a rational decision in this situation. All in favor of giving up? Boss: I found out I'm a brilliant engineer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags doctors, employees, medicines, nice guys, paid less, aggressive jerks, offer raise, testosterone injections, illegal, dangerous, unethical, tiny income, business

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Dilbert: Studies show that nice guys get paid less than aggressive jerks. Dogbert: Maybe you should offer your doctor 10% of your next raise if he gives you testosterone injections. Dilbert: That would be illegal, dangerous, and unethical. Dogbert: Said the man with the tiny income.