Employees Comic Strips - Page 36

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

581 Results for Employees

View 351 - 360 results for employees comic strips. Discover the best "Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags 30 thousand employees, emails jokes per week, file bankruptcy, lost prodcutivity, ten million, holding employee responsible

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says to Tina, "Tina, our records show that you forward an average of nineteen e-mail jokes per week." Catbert continues, "Each joke goes to 30,000 employees, costing us ten million per year in lost productivity." Catbert concludes, "We plan to blame you when we file for bankruptcy next week." Tina is visibly worried.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags falling for robot, human, robo boss, robot, shallow compliments, soulless machine

View Transcript

Transcript

Roboboss and Alice are at dinner. Alice says, "Roboboss, can this relationship work? After all, I'm a human.." Alice continues, "And you're a soulless machine designed to give shallow compliments to employees." Roboboss says, "You're giving 110%." Alice replies, "Stop.. don't make me love you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags roboboss, good work, compliments employees, shallow compliment, feel good, high five

View Transcript

Transcript

Roboboss says to Alice, "I am Roboboss. You are a valuable asset. Keep up the good work." Alice replies, "That is the most shallow compliment I have ever heard. But it still made me feel good." Alice continues, "So.. Are you seeing anyone?" Roboboss replies, "High five!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversations banned, talk about work, applies work hours, home, Family, sleeping, harsh rules, evil director, human resources, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: To: Employees From: Catbert. Catbert types, "All non-work conversations are banned." Catbert continues typing, "From now on you're only allowed to talk about work." An employee is eating dinner at home with his family. All of his children are asleep at the table. His wife says, "I think it only applies during work hours." The employee responds, "I can't take that chance."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags defective copy, employees still low, low morale, motivational book, thinking

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Catbert, "I read this motivational book and yet the employees still have low morale." Catbert responds, "Maybe you have a defective copy. You should compare it to another one and see what's different." The Boss asks, "What if the second one is defective too?" Catbert replies, "Sheesh... It's like I'm doing all of your thinking here."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags competitor, better job, employment agreement, knowledge or skills, crazy, clamp, suck, took away, verbal skills, golf ball head

View Transcript

Transcript

An employee says to The Boss, "I quit. I got a better job with our competitor." The Boss responds, "Okay, but remember the employment agreement you signed." The Boss continues, "You agreed to not take away knowledge or skills you acquired at this job." The employee replies, "That's crazy. How can I stop knowing what I learned?" Catbert enters and says, "Come with me." There is a huge contraption with a suction cup. The employee looks up at it and asks, "Will this hurt?" Catbert responds, "I hope so." The machine clamps on the employee's head and makes the sounds, "Suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck." Catbert is working the controls. He says, "Ha ha!! I got your technical knowledge! And there go your verbal skills!" The employee has nothing left but a tiny ball for a head. He says, "Great. Now what do I do?" Catbert responds, "I'd stay away from the golf course."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags avoid finsihing, surplus employees, wrong about knowing

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "Business is way down. You know what you need to do." Wally responds, "Avoid finishing anything so we never appear to be surplus employees?" Wally continues, "Maybe this would be a good time to admit that you were wrong about us knowing."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags email, employees, leave too early, menacing pose, more cars in lot, own email, parking lot, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dorie's Boss says to Dorie, "Dorie, send an e-mail: employees are leaving work too early." Dorie's Boss continues, "I was to see more cars in the parking lot after 6 p.m. otherwise, heads will roll!" Dorie responds, "You type your own e-mail." The Boss replies, "I can't do that AND do this menacing pose at the same time."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticize employees, recreational criticising, read email, alice needs to talk

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss thinks, "I'm in a bad mood. Maybe I'll feel better if I criticize some employees." The Boss approaches Dilbert and says, "I'm doing some recreational criticizing. What do you have for me?" Dilbert responds, "E-mail." The Boss yells, "You read e-mail like a chimp!" Dilbert replies, "Alice said she needs to talk to you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags glass walled conference room, main lobby, fish bowl, attractive employees, send opinion, convene tribunal

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to Carol, "Carol, I need to reserve the glass-walled conference room by the main lobby." Carol replies, "The 'Fish Bowl' is only available to attractive employees. We don't want to scare visitors." Dilbert says, "I want a second opinion." Carol replies, "Very well. I'll convene the tribunal of admin assistants."