How To Comic Strips - Page 36
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1000 Results for How To
View 351 - 360 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday September 06,
2016
Electric Car Project
Tags manager, labor, time, time management, obliviousness
Transcript
Boss: Welcome to the first meeting of our project to design an electric car. We've never tried to build an electric car, but how hard could it be? Dilbert: It's very hard. Boss: It doesn't feel that way. My part is mostly talk.
Sunday September 04,
2016
Transcript
Wally: Are these user specifications complete? I ask because any later changes will cause me to miss the deadline. Man: What if I only need a tiny change later? Wally: I'm counting on it. That way I can blame you when I miss the deadline. Man: How do most people handle this situation? Wally: Well, the pessimists know they're doomed, so it's no surprise to them when it happens. Man: What do the optimists do? Wally: They become pessimists.
Saturday September 03,
2016
Why Didn't You Tell Me Sooner
Thursday September 01,
2016
Tell Me What Was In The Email
Tuesday August 30,
2016
Dogbert's Recommendations
Tags Advice, consultant, listening, employees, business
Transcript
Dogbert Consults. Dogbert: I recommend doing all of the things your employees have been telling you to do. Boss: I don't see why I should pay you for this. Dogbert: Oh. Then how about doing all the things your competition is doing? Boss: Now, that's a great idea. Dogbert: Good, because that's what your employees have been telling you to do.
Monday August 15,
2016
Asok Learns To Rank Priorities
Tags priorities, Advice, hate, misanthrope, misanthropy, organization
Transcript
Asok: I'm overworked because I don't know how to set priorities. Alice: Try ranking your tasks by how much you hate the people who asked for your help. Asok: What if I don't hate anyone? Alice: That problem solves itself over time.
Sunday August 14,
2016
Tags workload, work ethic, laziness, teamwork, team, philosophy, business
Transcript
Dilbert: I don't know how you are stress-free when we have so much work to do. Wally: It's all about understanding percentages. No matter how hard you work, you will never finish even two percent of what needs to be done. The financial rewards of doing two percent of your work are identical to doing none. It's also a good idea to volunteer for several projects so everyone thinks you're working on the other ones. Your problem is that you're doing actual work for no good reason. Dilbert: My problem is that I'm doing your work plus my work! Wally: It's only two percent more work, you whiner.
Wednesday August 03,
2016
Men Who Meet 27 Criteria
Tags dating, attraction, relationships
Transcript
Woman: I'm looking for a man who meets my 27 criteria for a relationship. Dilbert: I'm looking for a woman who doesn't have 27 criteria for a relationship. How am I doing? Woman: Now I have 28 criteria.
Sunday July 24,
2016
Tags capitalism, big business, competition, benefit
Transcript
CEO: The company's goal is to make the world a better place. Dilbert: How does that square with our stated goal of destroying our competition? If we succeed, those people will be out of jobs. After we annihilate our competition, we can jack up our prices to monopoly levels and take advantage of our customers. Most of our profits go toward making the rich richer. We don't even pay taxes. Meanwhile, my co-workers and I will be living a life that has been stripped of all meaning. Is that what you had in mind by "Making the world a better place?" CEO: I didn't mean better for everyone.
Friday July 22,
2016
Wally's Awesome Emails
Tags work ethic, laziness, excuse, competition, accomplishment
Transcript
Alice: This week I designed and built a prototype that can turn any kind of garbage into fuel. Boss: And Wally? Wally: I sent out some emails, but no one answered. Before you judge me, keep in mind that you don't know how awesome those emails were.


