2005 Comic Strips - Page 36
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Character
Saturday January 15,
2005
Tags slow computer, uogarde, cost benefit analysis, vice president approval
Transcript
Dilbert: "My computer is too slow. I need to upgrade it." The Boss: "I need a cost benefit analysis including the cost of all alternatives, and vice president approval." Dilbert: "It was easier to get a second job and pay for the upgrade myself."
Friday January 14,
2005
Tags statistical analysis, efforts and rewards, sea of randomness, devoid of purpose, lactation
Transcript
Asok: "I did a statistical analysis and found no correlation between my efforts and my rewards." "I felt adrift in a sea of radomness and absurd, devoid of purpose, lost." "And then I got paid and I purchased some unnecessary merchandise and now I feel fine." Wally: "Lactation can't be far behind."
Thursday January 13,
2005
Tags mark terrotory, wireless internet option, change to prototype
Transcript
The boss: I must mark my terrtoy by insisting on a change to the prototype. The Boss: "Give it a wireless internet option." Dilbert: "It already had one." The Boss: "What doesn't it have?" Dilbert: "An idiot designing it."
Wednesday January 12,
2005
Tags feel guilty, scam, money, smarter, arrogance, good system
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you ever feel guilty for scamming innocent people out of their money? Dogbert: "No." "I only scam people who would do the same to me if they were just smarter." Dilbert: "So you use arrogance to cancel guilt?" Dogbert: "It's a good system."
Tuesday January 11,
2005
Tags stock - picking software, more feauture, make hair grow, bald guys, test on rat, butticks
Transcript
Dogbert: My stock-picking software needs more features. "I think I'll add a module that claims to make hair grow on bald guys. I'll first test it on a rat." Ratbert: "I feel a new one on my buttocks!" Dogbert: "That's all the proof I need."
Monday January 10,
2005
Tags create software, small investors, pick stocks, past trends, hubris, ignorance, testimonials
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm creating software that will help small investors pick stocks. "It combines past trends that are not indicative of the future with the user's hubris and ignorance." "Now all I need are testimonials from people whose results are not typical!" Dilbert: "So it works?"
Sunday January 09,
2005
Tags upgrade computer, non standard equipment, cubicle, den, non stardard, onitor, healing, clense, upgraded computer, abacus
Transcript
I asked the I.T. department to upgrade my computer. "They're coming here??!" "We must hide our non-standard equipment!" "Uh-oh." "So-o-o... this den of non-standardization must be your cubicle." "This non-standard printer is coming with me. And I don't remember that monitor on our list." "I must cleanse your cubicle of non-conformancce so the healing can begin." "Surely my upgraded computer will arrive soon." Months later "Abacus?" "Please shut up."
Saturday January 08,
2005
Tags transformational change, feel different, nauseas felling, going to hurl, change feels like
Transcript
The Boss: Our differentiating value-added strategy is transformational change. "How was that? Does anyone feel different?" Alice: "My urge to hurl was increased a little bit." The Boss: "That's what change feels like."
Friday January 07,
2005
Tags new strategy, sales stink, cutting costs, lose hope, working great, higher margins
Transcript
The Boss: "Our new strategy is to sell fewer units at higher margins." Dilbert: "Question: How's that different from saying our sales stink, so we're cutting costs?" The Boss: "I call it a strategy so you won't lose hope." Dilbert: "It's working great."
Thursday January 06,
2005
Tags receptionist, director of first impressions, send email.anger, upsat, realization
Transcript
Carol: Im starting to think that the director of first impressions is.... GAAA!!! IM A RECEPTIONIST!! Beat it, you walrus! Maybe I'll just send an email.


