2018 Comic Strips - Page 36

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Success Diminishes Other Guy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Success Diminishes Other Guy   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ideas, diminshed, support, stab me, great deas, discussion, argument

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: Your idea is great, but I plan to oppose it because I feel diminished by the success of others. Dilbert: Maybe you could support it now and then stab me in the back later. Ted: That's two great ideas you've had today. Dilbert: thank you.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags network, optics, stupid company, Women, imagination, flirting, miscommunication, co workers, argument, women in management, employees, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: do you have lunch plans? Dilbert: Aren't you married? Carol: Im not asking you out on a date, Im trying to network. Dilbert: The optics wouldn't be good. Carol: How am I supposed to network in this stupid company? Dilbert: Maybe you could network with other women. Carol: This company has no women in management! Now I see the problem. Its people like you! Dilbert: Is it my imagination or was she flirting with me? Wally: I can't tell.

Offensive Tweet From Long Ago

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Offensive Tweet From Long Ago - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags comprehensive, offensive, poor reading, sense of humor, seven years, offensive tweet, twitter

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: we found awn offensive tweet you sent seven years ago. Dilbert: Its only offensive if you have poor reading comprehension and no sense of humor. The boss: I find it offensive. Dilbert: I think we're on the same page here/

Coworkers Who Are Special

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Coworkers Who Are Special  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consultation, insults, fired, pay, Advice, special, compliment

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert Consults Never call your co-worker a colossal moron, That could get you fired. Instead , say, "well, aren't you special" Dilbert: Are we paying you for this advice? Dogbert: well, aren't you special.

Pretending To Be Helpful

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Pretending To Be Helpful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags insulting, coworkers, consultation, indirect, pretend, helpful, grammar, slide deck

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert consults Never insult your co-worers directly. Instead, undermine their confidence by pretending to be helpful. Wally: let me know if you need help fixing the grammar in your slide deck. Alice: what?

You Heard A Rumor

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 You Heard A Rumor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consultaion, insult, rumor, divulge source, dating pillow, co - workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert consults Dogbert: Nevre insult your co workers directly. The company would fire you for that. Instead say you heard a rumor but you can't divulge your source. Asok: that feels wrong. Dogbert: Someone told me your dating your pillow.

Insulting Within Company Guidelines

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Insulting Within Company Guidelines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags teach, insult, compliment, function, guidelines, co workers, insult co workers

View Transcript

Transcript

DOgbert: I will teach you how to insult your co - workers while staying within company guidelines. The trick is to disguise your insults as compliments. Alice, I admire the way you dress for function over appearance. Alice: Thanks. wait...

Dogbert's Insult Consulting

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert's Insult Consulting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags company rules, insulting, co workers, teach how, insult, within guidelines, standing desk, meeting, employer, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert consults DOgbert: Company rules forbid you from insulting your co-workers. I'll teach you how to insult each other while staying within company guidelines. The boss: That doesn't seem possible. Dogbert: you should look into getting a standing desk.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hot peppers, competition, burned, unedible, face burned, fire, group, face burn, head, flame

View Transcript

Transcript

Topper Dilbert: I tried a Habanero pepper last night, It almost burned off my face. Ted: Thats Nothing. I can eat the hottest peppers in the world and not even break a sweat. Dilbert: Im glad you said that, because I have with me the hottest peppers in the world. Ted: Pfft. easy. Gulp. FOOM! Dilbert: Will you admit you were wrong? Ted: You don't see any sweat , do you?

Humans Have A Slight Advantage

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Humans Have A Slight Advantage  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags artificial intelligence, ai, thinking, cognition, threat, extinction

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: At the moment, humans have a slight advantage over computers in intelligence. But as soon as computers can learn on their own, they will become a mortal threat to humankind. Asok: Who told you that? Robot: I figured it out on my own.