Search Results for "20% pay cuts"
Share February 26, 2017's comic on:
Asok: I need a raise because the cost of living around here is too high. Boss: Stop being greedy. I pay you plenty. Asok: I can't even afford to rent an apartment. Boss: Get some roommates. Asok: I can't afford that either. I've been sleeping on a baby changing table in a public restroom. And the janitor has been charging me $3,000 per month for that. Boss: How wide is the baby changing table? Asok: Not wide enough for a roommate. Boss: Well, I'm out of ideas.
Share June 22, 2017's comic on:
Dogbert: I've investigated Dilbert's email and phone records and I can say with confidence he did not collude with Elbonia. But there are many, many other crimes he might have committed, and you should pay me to investigate them. Dilbert: That wasn't helpful. Dogbert: Stop making it all about you.
Share July 30, 2017's comic on:
Boss: Why isn't your project done? Dilbert: I can't make the people on my team do any work because I'm not their boss. Boss: Sure you can. It's called leadership. I do it all the time. Dilbert: All you do is threaten to fire people. I can't do that because I"m not their boss. Boss: That's why you have to use your soft leadership skills A good leader can get people to do anything. Dilbert: Then why couldn't you get me to finish my project on time? And why do you pay me? You could just lead me to work for free. Boss: Shut up or I'll fire you.
Share August 14, 2017's comic on:
Share September 01, 2017's comic on:
Dilbert: Hey, I have a great idea. Maybe I could work on interesting projects instead of the soul-killing tasks you always assign to me. Boss: Why would I pay you for enjoying yourself? Dilbert: I was not prepared for that question.
Share October 12, 2017's comic on:
Dilbert: I want you to lower your price, but I don't know how to negotiate. Man: It's easy. All you need to do is offer to pay more than the list price and wait for me to counteroffer. Dilbert: Okay... I'll pay twenty percent over the list price. Man: You win! Sign here.
Share January 12, 2018's comic on:
Dogbert Consults Never call your co-worker a colossal moron, That could get you fired. Instead , say, "well, aren't you special" Dilbert: Are we paying you for this advice? Dogbert: well, aren't you special.
Share February 13, 2018's comic on:
The Boss: Im worried that all of my employees might have mental problems. The Boss: They exhibited anger issues when I told them to work all weekend for no extra pay. CatBert: Did they say you're the cause off their mental problems? The Boss: I dont listen to crazy people.
Share April 04, 2018's comic on:
Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!
Share July 03, 2018's comic on:
Dilbert: I don't feel my job is helping me reach my human potential. Boss: We only pay you because monkeys are hard to train and robots are expensive. Dilbert; Maybe I'll just play with my phone and pretend to work. Boss: That's what got the monkey fired.