Employees Comic Strips - Page 36
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Character
581 Results for Employees
View 351 - 360 results for employees comic strips. Discover the best "Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday December 10,
2004
Tags indeispoensible, comapny, outrageously annoying, pretty annoying, crushed ice chomping
Transcript
I've decided to become indispensible to the company. "Indispensible employees can get away with outrageously annoying behavior." "You're already pretty annoying." "I've been reading up on crushed ice chomping."
Sunday May 30,
1999
Tags change contract, signed months ago, hurt to ask, discount, clueless, primary vendors, acts of god, poltergeists, steal best
Transcript
The boss hands Alice a piece of paper. The boss says, "Alice make a few changes to this contract." Alice says, "Changes? This contract was signed months ago." The boss says, "It doesn't hurt to ask." Alice says, "You want me to ask for a sixty percent discount?" The boss says, "No one said it would be easy." Alice says, "You're asking me to be a clueless jerk in front of our primary vendor." Alice says, "Please don't ask me to do this." The boss says, "And ask if they'll change the part about "acts of God" to include poltergeists." The boss walks away and thinks, "That's why our vendors never try to steal our best employees."
Sunday August 29,
1999
Tags last bullet point, bullet point, admit wrong, alice heard wrong, boss has to admit wrong
Transcript
Alice has just presented a document to the Boss. As the Boss reads it, he tells her, "Remove that last bullet point. It's stupid." Alice gasps. Alice crosses her arms and says, "Yesterday, you told me to add that bullet point." She continues, "So either you were wrong today or you were wrong yesterday." The Boss ponders this. Alice pokes her head out of the Boss' office to tell the other workers, "Everyone come quickly! He has to admit he's wrong!" Dilbert and Asok sprint down the hall. Wally's head pops up from behind his cubicle wall, elated. Once the other employees are gathered around her, Alice cues the Boss, "Say it." The Boss responds, "Alice heard me wrong yesterday." Alice is furious as everyone continues to stand around her. Wally says, "It takes a big man to admit Alice is wrong." Asok, cupping his hands to his mouth, yells, "Can you hear us Alice?"
Saturday January 01,
2005
Tags evil director, himan resources, downsized, free dvd, live off land, shoplifting, running fast
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Don't worry about being downsized after the reorganization." "Downsized employees will get my free DVD that teaches you how to live off the land." "The key to successful shoplifting is running very fast."
Monday April 25,
2005
Tags evil director, expect raises, bad ratings, reflect poorly, ability to motivate, useless people, feel bad
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: "Don't rate any employees "excellent" because then they'd deserve raises." "Don't give any bad ratings either because it would reflect poorly on your ability to hire and motivate people." The boss: "How will I make the useless people feel bad if I'm rating them "good"?" Catbert: "Try using this scowl."
Friday May 06,
2005
Tags evil director, campiagn, employee happiness, forbidden fruit, no dating emplyees, date each other
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources AS part of my ongoing campaign against employee happiness.." "Employees are not allowed to date each other." "Now you're forbidden fruit...yummmy." "Stay back, rule-breaker."
Friday June 17,
2005
Tags batch of tiger meat, project, chanllenging, delight stockholders, not challenging, less motivated
Transcript
"I"m ready for a new batch of tiger meat. Grrr!" "I want a project that will challenge my abilities, bring glory to the company and delight our shareholders!" "How about this one?" "Nope. Not challenging enough. I'll give it to one of the less motivated employees."
Monday July 25,
2005
Tags 20 % staff, failing perfromance, required, muscles, money hurlage, metting, denounce employees, criticize
Transcript
"The company requires me to give failing performance reviews to 20% of my staff." "There are four of you, so that works out to...80% of a person." "Wally, your calf muscles and ankles are performing well, but the rest of you is monkey hurlage."
Friday September 02,
2005
Tags employees, the boss, asok, projects, new, challenge, tina, write, newsletter, worthless, assistant
Transcript
I have completed all of my projects and I am ready for a new challenge. "You can help Tina write the department newsletter." "But the newsletter job is only given to the most worthless employee." "And her assistant."


