How To Comic Strips - Page 36
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1000 Results for How To
View 351 - 360 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday June 22,
1994
Tags job pays, headhunter, move, cold place, drivers license, look up gender, phone call, man, inquiring about job
Transcript
Dogbert the headhunter Dogbert: The job pays a hundred thousand. But you'll have to move to a place thats so cold that mercury freezes. Man: I'll take it. How bad could it be? Dogbert: Keep your drivers license on you is you can look up your gender if you forget
Wednesday July 20,
1994
Tags head of market research, 120k salary, value opinions, refrence, honesty, pay these days
Transcript
"I got a job as the head of market research at your company. I'll be pulling down $120 K per year." "I don't value otehr people's opinions so I'll just use my own." "Just for reference, how much does honesty pay these days?" "Shut up."
Tuesday August 09,
1994
Tags cranky, discover religion, physical until marriage, unitarian, liz, dilbert serene, dogbert talks liz
Transcript
"I don't understand something, Liz. You told Dilbert you don't want to be physical until after marriage..." "I would expect him to be cranky around the house, yet he's quite relaxed...serene. I don't see how...unless..." "Did you discover religion?" "I think I'm Unitarian."
Wednesday August 17,
1994
Tags customer service, downsize, improve service
Transcript
The Boss: Our two goals this year are to downsize and to improve customer service. Dilbert: question: how can you improve service if you're getting rid f service people? The Boss: who do you think is screwing up the customer service? duh...
Friday August 26,
1994
Tags dignity enhancement, help employees, less money, hire someone, co workers
Transcript
The Boss: Sue was hired to run our new dignity enhancement program. Her charter is to help the employees feel good about themselves while they work harder for less money. Dilbert: How can we afford to hire somebody new? The Boss: Do you remember those cow orders you used to have?
Tuesday August 30,
1994
Tags classes, get mba, big name school, knowledge, not prestige, tonys, house, mbas, babe ratio
Transcript
"I'm going to take classes at night and get an MBA." "I don't need a big-name school. I'm in this for knowledge, not prestige." "How about 'Tony's House of MBA's'?" "The babe ratio is better at 'MBA-O-RAMA'."
Friday September 02,
1994
Tags classes at night, eleven cheerios, gaining knowledge, knowledge, work all day
Transcript
"I don't know how you do it. You work all day and now you take classes at night." "ZZZ" "It's hard, but you're gaining knowledge that couldn't be obtained any other way." "Whump" "Hey! I can hold eleven 'cheerios' in my nose!" "And it's knowledge you can apply."
Saturday September 03,
1994
Tags rock paper scissors, project approved, toss up, random selection
Transcript
How Decisions Are Made The Boss: 1-2-3 Rock! scissors! The Boss: Your project is approved...unless scissors can't cut rock. Dilbert: assume its sheet rock.
Friday September 23,
1994
Tags bob the dinosaur, double fee, triple fee, infinity plus one, childish men, hired to beat, tail, project requiremnets
Transcript
Dilbert: I hired Bob the dinosaur to beat you with his tail until you give me the project requirements. MAN: HA! I'll double your fee if you thump Dilbert instead. Dilbert: I 'll triple the fee! Dilbert: He can't really pay you "infinity" plus one. BOB: I wonder how much this is on an hourly basis.
Tuesday October 18,
1994
Tags board room, fire employees, no employees, task force, competitors, white rumps
Transcript
EXECUTIVE BOARD ROOM TED: our competitors are kicking our pasty white rumps. Ted: Im bringing in dogcart to fire employees until we're stronger than the competition. Man: How will the work get done with no employees? Ted: Id better form a test force to study that.


