Retail Business Comic Strips - Page 36

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, business meeting, customer, stan, programming, computers science, computer, star trek

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Dilbert sits at a conference table with Stan and a customer. Stan says, "And our product has a thirty terabit RAM cache, just like your company needs. Tell him, Dilbert." Dilbert says, "It has no RAM." Stan continues, "And it's capable of detecting tachion field emissions." Dilbert says, "You're confusing use with 'Star Trek' again, Stan." Stan continues, "We'll build that stuff into the next free upgrade." The customer replies, "We'll take it!" Dilbert thinks, "Beam me up, Spock. There's no life on this planet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags transferred, marketing, slaps employee, groggy, disoriented, fit in better, business

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The Boss: Im sorry Dave, But your being transferred to marketing and theres no budget to train you as a marketer. Slap! Dave: where am I? I need a drink. The Boss: This is a temporary fix...but you'll fit in now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags customers, marketing, technical, feasible, business

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Dilbert: we in engineering think of the marketing department as our customer, Fred. FRED: Thats great. Id like you to do a technical feasibility study for me. Wally: would that require any work? I said "customer" not boss.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags weasel, mink, boss, Dilbert

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The Boss: I hired a weasel to help us write our business case. whisper whisper The Boss: Did I say weasel? I meant mink.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags committed to buy, cost justify, ethical, execuitve, translate, vendor, weasel, words

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Weasel: tell me about your project and I'll translate it into weasel words for the business case. Dilbert: well, and executive had lunch with a vendor and committed to buy some stuff that doesn't work. Our job is to cost - justify the decision. Wesel: I quit Dilbert: Don't get all ethical on us.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, bathroom, business

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dilbert: We could have our next all-day staff meeting at my house. Alice: do you have actual furniture? Dilbert: Somebody will have to sit in the bathroom Wally: I call bathroom.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags huge time saver, final consulting, company, deadweight, employees.fired, company directory, business

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Ratbert: Here's my final consulting report on your company. Ive listed all the deadweight employees who should be fired. The Boss: This is the company directory. Ratbert: Finding that was a huge time saver.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags build, meeting, project kick off, project manager, super fast microchips, harder to saboatge, business

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"Thank you all for coming to the project kick-off meeting." "As project manager I've decided not to tell you the purpose of the project. That way it will be harder for you to sabotage it." "Does it require ny super-fast microchips?" "Good lord, no. Don't build any of those...by Tuesday."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags book publishing, reject authors, untalented dolts, publish something, conventional wisdom

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"How's the book publishing business coming along?" "Great!" "I get to reject dozens of authors every day! I call them untalented dolts and they THANK me for it." "Eventually, you have to actually publish something." "Yeah, well, that's the conventional wisdom."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags right sizing, company, bright sizing, laughter, bananas at lunch, business

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Dilbert, Wally and a man sit at a table eating lunch. The man says, "Instead of 'right-sizing' our company is 'bright-sizing.' That's when all the bright people leave!" They all laugh. They stop laughing and Dilbert says, "Hey! We all brought bananas."