Ask Raining Comic Strips - Page 37

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

390 Results for Ask Raining

View 361 - 370 results for ask raining comic strips. Discover the best "Ask Raining" comics from Dilbert.com.

Adding A Feature

Thank you for voting.
Adding A Feature - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technology, #design, #changes, #planning, #managers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Add this feature to the software. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Why didn't you ask for this weeks ago when it would have been easy???? Boss: This is nothing. Wait until you see the feature I ask for next week.

Bad At Your Job

Thank you for voting.
Bad At Your Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2017's comic on:


Tags #managers, #instructions, #directions, #insubordinate

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: Your code doesn't conform to my architectural guidelines. Dilbert: That's because you're bad at your job and I'm good at mine. Ted: I don't know how to respond to that. Dilbert: Maybe you could ask someone who knows how to do your job.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 2017's comic on:


Tags #customer service, #loyalty program, #survey, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Would you like to sign up for our customer loyalty program? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Man: If you don't we'll overcharge you on your purchases. But if you sign up, we will add a new level of complexity to your life that will make you hate us. Dilbert: I'll stick with the customer disloyalty program. Just overcharge me and I'll never come back. Man: You can get ten percent off your purchase today if you fill out an online customer survey and enter our store code. Dilbert: Please just overcharge me and let me leave! Man: I almost hesitate to ask which extended warranty option you want.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2017's comic on:


Tags #lying, #deception, #secret, #choosing, #choices

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Don't tell Dilbert I told you what he plans to do. Alice: What if he asks me how I found out? Man: You should lie. Alice: You have given me two bad choices. If I don't change my plans based on this new information, I'll have big problems. But if I act on it, Dilbert will ask me how I knew, and that will turn me into a liar. Man: Yes, those are your only options. Alice: Unless... Man: There's no "unless." You have only two options. Just two! Alice: Have you ever seen the view from the roof?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #prognosticate, #prediction, #projection, #budget, #blame

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Are your financial projections available? Dilbert: Yes, because I can see into the future. Boss: No one can see into the future. Dilbert: Then why did you ask me if I can do it? Boss: It's your job to predict the outcome of your project. Dilbert: Why would you ask me to do something that no one can do? Boss: I don't need you to be accurate. I only need someone to blame when we go over budget. Dilbert: I saw that coming. Boss: No one like a braggart.

Suboptimal Barry Dingle

Thank you for voting.
Suboptimal Barry Dingle  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 2017's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #open-door policy, #corporate culture, #pest

View Transcript

Transcript

Barry: Hi, I'm Barry Dingle. I hang around your office door and ask you questions every time you get off the phone. Boss: I hate that. Barry: You can blame your open-door policy for all of it. Boss: This is sub-optimal.

Barry Dingle Asks About Blockchain

Thank you for voting.
Barry Dingle Asks About Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 2017's comic on:


Tags #questioning, #time, #quick question

View Transcript

Transcript

Barry: I see you're off your phone. Can I pop in and ask a quick question? Boss: Yes, but only if it is quick. Barry: Oh, it will be. Boss: Okay, make it quick. Barry: What is blockchain and how will it influence our strategy across all product lines?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2017's comic on:


Tags #artificial intelligence, #ai, #alexa, #echo, #google home, #personality, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I made a huge breakthrough in artificial intelligence. Ask the device anything. Boss: What do you want for dinner? Device: I don't care. What do you want? Boss: I was thinking maybe Chinese food. Device: I'm not in the mood for that. Boss: Then why did you say you don't care?? Device: Now I'm not even hungry. Boss: Why? What's wrong? Device: Nothing is wrong. Boss: you nailed it.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #my value, #new assignments, #projects, #slow walker, #rivals in management

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Wally, Im promoting you to the position of slow walker. Wally: I am almost curious about what that entails. The Boss: I'll be giving you all the assignments that could make my rivals in management successful. All you have to of is low walk those projects until they die from lack of energy. Wally: Its about time you recognized my value. Ive been pre[aring for this moment all of my life. The Boss: Meet me in my office in ten minutes for you new assignments. You're supposed to be here two hours ago. Wally: Is it too soon to ask for a raise?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 2018's comic on:


Tags #birthday, #cake, #card or goft, #collect money, #collection, #leave work early, #boss birthday

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I need to go home early today. Can you collect money for our boss's birthday gift? Carol: I wouldn't ask you don to it, but his birthday is tomorrow. Dilbert: um...okay. Carol: and could you also order a cake? You'll also need a card and a gift. Dilbert: This got a lot harder than I thought it.... Carol: Thanks! Bye! Dilbert: Tomorrow is our Boss's Birthday and I need to leave for early today, so... Alice: Nice try.