Last Half Comic Strips - Page 37

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

470 Results for Last Half

View 361 - 370 results for last half comic strips. Discover the best "Last Half" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new idea, #dream, #3d glasses, #for real life, #people love 3d, #not movies, #obvious, #ideas

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Last night, an idea for a new product came to me in a dream. Dilbert: ICK CEO: 3-D Glasses. Dilbert: To watch movies? CEO: No, real life. Dilbert: So...The glasses would make life in general appear three-dimensional? CEO: Exactly! People Love 3-D Stuff. Dilbert: Im not going to respond to your idea. Im just going to sit here looking three-dimensional. CEO: wait....how are you doing that? Dilbert: Im wearing glasses that make me look 3-D

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #engineers, #project inherited, #weak code, #rewrite, #great job, #hired idiot

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The project I inherited has weak code. I need to rewrite it from scratch. Boss: Will there ever be an engineer who says, "That last guy did a great job. Let's keep all of it?" Dilbert: I'm hoping the idiot you hire to replace me says that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #optimism, #rested, #feeling, #never happened, #flow, #dance, #sing, #light, #work, #office, #employee, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Happy, happy, happy. Dilbert: I'm enjoying a bubble of optimism because I'm feeling rested and no one has been awful to me all day! Wally: How long does it usually last? Dilbert: I don't know. It's never happened before!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #drinking, #hiring, #personality tests, #sales, #sales personnel, #sociopaths, #storytelling skills, #morgue, #selfie, #dead guy, #super drunk, #hired, #sales person, #new hire, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can tell a lot from an applicant's storytelling skills. So tell me a story. Man: Last week, I broke into a morgue and took a selfie with a dead guy. But in my defense, I was super drunk. Boss: I hired a new salesperson.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame, #ceos, #cnbc, #executives, #home address, #layoffs, #new prodcuts, #product, #quarterly, #zero

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Our sales for the quarter are zero. Because I might have mentioned on CNBC that we have a better, cheaper model coming soon. So... great job on the new product... and I need to fire half of you so it looks as if I do things. Voice: What is your home address?

Hiring A Co Ceo

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring A Co Ceo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceos, #executives, #wages, #work ethic, #co ceo, #break tie, #manioulate, #pay, #hire, #split salary, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I decided to hire a co-CEO to share the job with me. Dilbert: I assume you know that having a co-CEO does not mean you get paid the same while working half as much. CEO: Can I fire you? Co-CEO: No, we need a third CEO to break the tie.

Alice Is Rested From Vacation

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Is Rested From Vacation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #relaxation, #stress, #vacation, #work, #rested, #aftreglow, #text message, #enraged

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I feel so rested and relaxed after my vacation. I wonder how long this afterglow will last because... excuse me while I check this text message. Dilbert: Is it too late to start timing it? [Alice is on fire]

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #arguing, #email, #expectations, #logic, #sleep, #winning, #work ethic, #promptly respond, #employees, #necessary, #brain function, #succumbs to leadership, #dysfunctional moron, #confsuion, #win converstions, #ceo, #health, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: You didn't promptly respond to my email last night. Dilbert: You sent that email at 1 a.m. CEO: I expect my employees to be checking email at all times. Dilbert: Sleep is necessary for normal brain function. Anyone who succumbs to your leadership on this topic will turn into a dysfunctional moron in 48 hours. CEO: I don't see where you're going with this. It's all so confusing to my brain. So tired... can't stay awake... Dilbert: I don't usually win conversations this decisively.

Incompetent Employee Budget Only

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Incompetent Employee Budget Only - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #catch-22, #incompetence, #funds, #lose funds, #75% competent, #cubicle

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I only have enough in the budget to hire an employee who is incompetent half of the time. But if I don't use the budget, I will lose those funds next year. Employee: And I am proud to say that I'm 75% competent. Boss: I wish I could afford that.

Topping Our Of Category

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Topping Our Of Category - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition, #hyperbole, #lying, #topping, #sleepless, #kung fu, #divert asteroid, #c=ollison, #collision course

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I only slept three hours last night. Topper: That's nothing! I used kunk fu to divert an asteroid that was on a collision course with Earth. Alice: Topping needs to be in the same category! Topper: Only if you're bad at it! Hoo-ha!