Buy Whatever Comic Strips - Page 37
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373 Results for Buy Whatever
View 361 - 370 results for buy whatever comic strips. Discover the best "Buy Whatever" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday February 11,
2020
Who Is The Fool
Tags #business, #install, #server, #upgrade, #fool, #lie, #technology
Transcript
vendor: we can't finish the installation unless you buy our server upgrade. dilbert: that means you lied when you bid for the job, because you did not include a server upgrade. vendor: who's the fool now? dilbert: that would be me.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Monday February 17,
2020
Buy An Adapter
Tags #sarcasm, #stupidity, #technology, #Dilbert, #business, #network, #adapter
Transcript
dilbert: the hardware you ordered is not compatible with our network. boss: just buy an adapter. dilbert: i don't think anyone makes an adapter that can fix stupidity.
Sunday February 23,
2020
Reading Faces
Tags #business, #meeting, #corrupt, #communists, #technology, #proposal, #reading faces
Transcript
co-worker: i can't support this project because you're all a bunch of corrupt, godless communists. dilbert: just out of curiosity, where did you get your education? co-worker: i learned everything i need to know on social media. dilbert: how does that help you evaluate a technical proposal? co-worker: it's simple. i take one look at all of your faces, and i know everything i need to know. co-worker looking at wally: i mean, look at this guy's face. he's obviously a grifter. wally: lucky guess. co-worker looking at alice: this one obviously has anger issues. dilbert: i demand a larger sample size! co-worker: whatever geek face.
Saturday March 21,
2020
Platinum Level Service
Tags #business, #forecasting, #future, #predict, #industry, #blame, #sell, #upsell, #platinum
Transcript
boss: i hired you to predict the future, of our industry, but everything you say makes me sad. dogbert: don't blame me. i only predict the future. i don't make the future. unless you buy my special platinum level service. boss: nice upsell.
Monday August 24,
2020
Gaslighting The Boss
Tags #managers & supervisors, #month, #november, #october, #birthday, #family relations, #wife, #gaslight
Transcript
boss: what's the name of the month that comes after october? dilbert: november boss: that's what i thought. my wife is trying to gaslight me so she doesn't have to buy me a birthday present. dilbert: how long has she been doing that? boss: i thought i was 26 years old until just now.
Sunday August 30,
2020
Not A Monopoly
Tags #managers & supervisors, #senior managment, #ceo, #government, #monopoly, #product, #essential, #modern, #life, #competition, #company, #compete, #buy out, #fail, #face mask
Transcript
ceo: the government is threatening to regulate us like a monopoly. boss: are we not a monopoly? ceo: we are simply a company that makes an essential product for modern life, and we have no real competition. boss: that sounds like a monopoly. ceo: no, we are not because other companies could compete with us if they wanted. boss: and of they tried? ceo: as soon as they got some traction we'd buy them and shut them down. dilbert: so... they would fail every time. ceo: but they could try.
Saturday October 24,
2020
Lover Not A Fighter
Tags #business, #technology, #software, #price, #lover, #fighter, #report, #human resources, #bully, #sexual discrimination
Transcript
dilbert: i'd fight with you on the price of this software, but i'm more of a lover than a fighter. female software vendor: are you hitting on me? you'd better buy my software now, or i'll report you to your own human resources. dilbert: okay. okay. i'll do anything you want. female software vendor: wow. you were right when you said you're not a fighter.
Wednesday December 02,
2020
Buying Tee Shirts
Tags #clothing, #purchase, #retail, #size, #small, #t-shirt, #home, #shopping
Transcript
dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: do you like my new t-shirt? it's two sizes too small, but that's all they had. dogbert: wouldn't it be better to buy shirts that you like that are also the right size? dilbert: in theory, yes. but i have been buying t-shirts for years, and i don't recall seeing that option.
Tuesday January 26,
2021
Teamwork But
Tags #technology, #business, #teamwork, #limit, #competition, #salary, #funds, #battle, #meeting, #thinking, #sarcasm
Transcript
boss: the key to success is teamwork. dilbert: then why does our compensation system pit employees against each other to battle for limited funds salary funds? boss: this meeting will go a lot smoother if you stop doing whatever you're doing right now. dilbert: i call it "thinking."
Thursday March 25,
2021
Yay, A Package
Tags #package, #arrived, #consumer, #amazon, #purchase, #birthday, #feel, #forgetfulness, #dish soap
Transcript
Dilbert opening front door at home: yay! my package arrived! i buy one thing per day from amazon and then forget what i ordered, so it feels like my birthday every day. dogbert with hands over eyes: i can't watch this. yes! dish soap! how did i know i wanted that?