Dogbert Comic Strips - Page 37
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Character
1000 Results for Dogbert
View 361 - 370 results for dogbert comic strips. Discover the best "Dogbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday September 07,
2011
Tags business ethics, computers & peripherals, software, install and test, database software, engineering
Transcript
Dogbert consults Dogbert: I recommend that you buy the Dogbert database software. Boss: Did I just pay a consultant to recommend his own company's software? Dogbert: I'm totally objective. Boss: Who would install and test it? Dogbert: Maybe a consultant who knows the product?
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday August 31,
2011
Tags complaining, conversation, get mad, point out dumb, helpful, doctor, Dogbert, medical
Transcript
Dilbert: I wonder why people get mad when I point out how dumb they are. I'm just trying to be helpful. I don't want people going through life not knowing what the problem is. I'm kind of like a doctor. Dogbert: I stopped listening back at the house.
Saturday August 27,
2011
Tags fighting, trees, ambassador of trees, crimes against wood, excessive printing, copying, biting, bark is worse
Transcript
Tree: I am the ambassador of trees. You are accused of crimes against wood for your excessive printing and copying. Dilbert: And then he started biting me. Dogbert: His bark is worse.
Friday August 12,
2011
Tags business ethics, stock market, hedge fund, million dollars, insider trading, algorithm, winning trades, create algorithm, eat fiber, money
Transcript
Dogbert: I'll pay you a million dollars a year to work at my hedge fund. I'll do the insider trading and you pretend you created an algorithm that makes winning trades. Dilbert: What if I actually create the algorithm? Dogbert: Sure, and maybe you can eat fiber and make gold, too.
Thursday August 11,
2011
Tags business ethics, taxes, sociopth, victimless crime, insider information, hedge fund, split profit, tax people
Transcript
Dogbert: The great thing about being a sociopath is that everything feels like a victimless crime. If you give me some insider information for my hedge fund, I'll split the profit with you. Think of it as a tax on people you don't know. CEO: That's the best kind!
Sunday August 07,
2011
Tags business ethics, public realtions firm, persuade media, negative stores, competitor, ethical, public relations form, defaming company, defame
Transcript
Boss: I hired the Dogbert public relations firm. His job is to persuade the media to write negative stories about our competitor. Dilbert: Is that ethical? Dogbert: I assure you that your competitor is doing the same thing to you. They're paying a public relations firm a fortune to steer the media toward defaming your company. Dilbert: Who did they hire to defame us. Dogbert: Probably someone awesome.
Saturday August 06,
2011
Tags business ethics, clubs, meetings, society for the preservation of evil ideas, file patents, sue for infringement, embezzle, Entertainment
Transcript
Dogbert: Welcome to the monthly meeting of "The Society for the Preservation of Evil Ideas." Our goal for the coming year is to convince companies to file absurdly broad patents and sue each other for infringing. CIO: How do we make money from that? Dogbert: Beats me. I'm just here to embezzle your dues.
Tuesday August 02,
2011
Tags meetings, standards meeting., represent interests, create standards, mutually exclusive prefrences, laughs
Transcript
Standards Meeting. Dogbert: Each of you has been chosen to represent the interests of your respective companies. As you know, the best way to create standards is to mash together a bunch of mutually exclusive preferences. I hope I'm not the only one who joined this group just for the laughs.
Monday August 01,
2011
Tags actions & defenses, computers & peripherals, internet & world wide web, international data security standards group, security prcedures, bed sores
Transcript
Boss: Dogbert is chairing the international data security standards group. Dogbert: The goal of our organizations is to make your security procedures so inconvenient that you give up hope and die from bed sores. We take pride in being independent from the companies that fund us.
Friday July 22,
2011
Tags ignorance (knowledge), interviews, managers, dumb decions, particpate
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm doing a study to find out which managers make dumb decisions. Would you like to participate? Boss: I don't see why not. Dogbert: And we're done.


