Problem Comic Strips - Page 37
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401 Results for Problem
View 361 - 370 results for problem comic strips. Discover the best "Problem" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday November 02,
1994
Tags employee survey, no startegy, quality team, root cause, employees are ninnies, more stock options
Transcript
The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The employee survey showed that 95% of the company believes we have no consistent strategy." The Boss continues, "So the executives formed a 'quality team' to determine the root cause of the problem." A man points to a chart and says to three people seated at a table, "We've narrowed it down to either 'employees are ninnies' or 'we deserve more stock options.'"
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday November 01,
1994
Tags product development process, buy in, managers, happy if dead, executive oversight, issues, blind, looked at bulb
Transcript
The Boss points to a diagram and says, "Problem: our product development process requires buy-in from managers who'd be happier if we all died." As he puts a new transparency on the overhead projector, the Boss says, "My solution is to create executive oversight groups who don't understand the issues and don't have time to meet." Wally and Dilbert watch as the Boss looks into the light and yells, "I'm . . . I'm blind!" Dilbert says, "You looked directly at the bulb again."
Monday July 18,
1994
Tags great solutions, bicycle seats, dorky pants, bicycle pants
Transcript
GREAT SOLUTIONS IN ENGINEERING Problem: Bicycle seats are hard. They Hurt. Analysis: there must be something work with your pants, Dogbert: Solution: dorky pants.
Monday June 20,
1994
Tags behead, corporate head hunter, employee, new employees, staffing problem, you'd be flexible, go postal, post office employee
Transcript
"We've never needed a corporate headhunter before, but now it's the only way to solve our staffing problem." "Are you aware that headhunters find new employees? We don't behead the ones you already have." "I don't suppose you'd be flexible..." "I could find a disgruntled ex-post office employee for you."
Sunday June 12,
1994
Tags aa meeting, ratbert, fear of computers, technophobe, wrong meeting, alcoholics anonymous, interupt, elaborate excuses, avoid computers, web of deception
Transcript
Ratbert: My name is Ratbert. I fear the information superhighway. Like most of you, my problem started because I never learned to type. I thought only secretaries needed to type. Then the computers came. At first I dismissed them as mere toys for men with no social skills. Soon they were everywhere. I would invent elaborate excuses to avoid computers. I was caught in my own web of deception. MAN: This is "alcoholics anonymous" Ratbert: I didn't interrupt you. Man: Can we talk about me now?
Saturday April 16,
1994
Tags makeup, real bother, a lot of work, admit, remove old makeup, bowling alley
Transcript
Woman: Ive never minded putting makeup on, but its a real bother to take it off. Dilbert: That seems like a lot of work, I must admit. But I still think its better to remove the old stiff. Woman: Its only a problem at the bowling alley.
Sunday March 20,
1994
Tags better comoritively, dread, fixed income, health problems, pre meeting meeting, retirement, shrink, wrinkles, complaints
Transcript
wally: Im looking forward to retirement. I can't wait! I'll have my tiny fixed income, barley enough to survive! ...and a new health problem almost everyday! Wally: I'll have wrinkles everywhere and I'll actually shrink! HAHA! I'll produce nothing and I'll complain constantly! Dilbert: You're looking forward to a ll that?? WallyL well...compared to working here... The boss: Its time for the pre meeting meeting on employee productivity. Wally and Dilbert: mmm. fixed income ...health problems...
Monday December 27,
1993
Tags air travel, Dogbert, salesperson, map, world, travel
Transcript
Dogbert says to a salesperon in a store, "I'd like your biggest map of the world for my room." Dogbert says to the clerk, "I'd like this for free. In return, after I conquer the world I'll make you ambassador to France." The salesclerk says, "Does that require travel? I get air sick." Dogbert replies, "No problem. You'll have diplomatic immunity."
Friday August 27,
1993
Tags Dilbert, elbonia, elbonian men, presentation, quality management
Transcript
Dilbert points to a visual aid and says, "The fishbone diagram helps identify the root cause of problems." Dilbert continues as three Elbonians listen, "In your case, the root problem seems to be that you're a nation of imbeciles . . ." An Elbonian says, "True, but YOU'RE the one who had to draw a dead fish to figure it out." Another man says, "You're in the club! Here's your hat."
Thursday August 26,
1993
Tags Dilbert, elbonia, elbonian men, philosophy
Transcript
Dilbert says to two Elbonians, "You start by identifying problem areas." One Elbonian sniffs while another says, "Hmm . . . Sometimes our mittens get stuck to our noses and we can't breathe." As an Elbonian struggles with his mitten, another says, "Yorgi! Try to breathe with your mouth!" Dilbert says, "People! Let's talk metrics, please!"

