Rich People Comic Strips - Page 37
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1000 Results for Rich People
View 361 - 370 results for rich people comic strips. Discover the best "Rich People" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday October 15,
2013
Tags 10 thousand hours, genetic makeup, laziness, million hours, become an expert
Transcript
Alice: People used to think it took 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert. But now people think the amount of practice you need depends on your genetic makeup. So you'd be good to go after a million or so hours. Wally: See why I don't bother?
Saturday October 05,
2013
Tags employees, progress, policy, promote from within, better plans, business
Transcript
Boss: Our policy is to promote from within. Dilbert: How will you backfill the jobs of the people you promoted? Boss: From within. Dilbert: That's one of your better plans.
Saturday September 21,
2013
Tags computer programmers, managers & supervisors, obliviousness, code consistency, legacy systems, business
Transcript
Dilbert: What's your take on code consistency versus best practices for legacy systems? Boss; I want all of that stuff and I want it now. Dilbert: When people ask what you do for a living, what the $%@* do you say?
Wednesday September 18,
2013
Tags ignorance (knowledge), managers & supervisors, innovate, google, apple, 3m, smart people, fire yourselves, business, technology
Transcript
Dogbert: Today I'll teach you how to innovate the way Apple, Google, and 3M do it. Replace all of your dimwitted employees with smart people... then fire yourselves. The rest is just blah, blah, blah. Boss: Should we be taking notes?
Wednesday September 04,
2013
Tags competition (psychology), ignorance (knowledge), big tech firms, hiring people, prestigious degrees, hiring idiots, vacuum up, hiring accused murderers, bail
Transcript
Catbert: The big tech firms say they no longer care about hiring people who have prestigious degrees. Obviously, they're trying to sucker the rest of us into hiring idiots while they vacuum up the people from the top schools. CEO: We need to get on this. Catbert: We could say we get good results by hiring accused murderers who are out on bail.
Sunday August 25,
2013
Tags natural disasters, disaster preparedness, famine, keyboard, crumbs, alene invasion, kill a coworker, lizard people, impending collison, asteroid, running in place, earth rotates, planet, hit by asteroid, human flesh, presentation is a disater
Transcript
Wally: I've been asked to explain our disaster preparedness plan. In the event of a famine, turn your keyboard upside down and shake. If it's anything like mine, you'll find a pound and a half of crumbs. In the event of an alien invasion, your best bet is to kill a co-worker to show your allegiance to the lizard-people. In the event of an impending collision with an asteroid, try running in place while the Earth rotates. If you time it right, you'll be on the other side of the planet when the asteroid hits. To prepare for every other type of disaster, I recommend cultivating a taste for human flesh. Boss: Your presentation is a disaster. Wally: And next time you'll be prepared for it.
Monday August 05,
2013
Tags executives, snobbishness, ceo visitis, questions, ceo, special treatment
Transcript
Boss: When our CEO visits, don't ask him any questions. He hates questions. And don't stare. He hates it when people look at him. Dilbert: May we breathe the air on his planet? Boss: Only the stuff he exhales.
Wednesday July 31,
2013
Tags meetings, telephones, work ethic, teleconference, phone on mute, nap, weaselable
Transcript
Coworker: Can you attend our Tuesday meeting? Wally: I'll teleconference. Coworker: That will make me wonder if you called in, put your phone on mute, and took a nap. Wally: We useless people call that weaselable doubt.
Tuesday July 30,
2013
Tags competition (psychology), elevators, fear, elevator, confrontation, threat, ceo, underling, power tripping
Transcript
CEO: Here's the hotshot that everyone says will someday take my job. I'm going to mentor you so hard your intestines will end up in your skull. Wally: I just figured out why people use the stairs.
Saturday July 27,
2013
Tags business ethics, coffee & tea, managers & supervisors, brain scan, management potential, warm brown liquid, speed evolved, coffee reservoir, business
Transcript
Catbert: Your brain scan shows tremendous management potential. The part of your brain that would normally control ethics is filled with some sort of warm, brown liquid. It appears that you speed-evolved part of your brain into a coffee reservoir. Wally: People think I don't have a plan.

